Happy Anniversary

I was not one of those girls who planned my wedding at four. Somewhere around 14 I picked the day, and the rough concept, but that was it. Luckily, along the way, I acquired the wisdom to stick with a rough concept. While the day was not negotiable, the year was.

Eleven years ago I'd met a man who decided he might want to try out forever with me. So, with the date set we notified the family. We kept it to immediate family and spouses and grandparents, and our first battle as a married couple began. There was actually a cousin who wanted to crash our wedding, who knew we were so cool?

His family arrived days before the ceremony, we had time to enjoy each others company. We did not have a rehearsal, but the tradition of the rehearsal dinner was kept. His mother insisted we wait for my family to arrive, my first lesson to my new mother, was "we never wait for my family." So, we enjoyed a nice dinner with his family. My family...God love them, had decided to go to Yellowstone on the way to my wedding, since they were in the neighborhood (give or take 500 miles).

We'd set a time of 10 o'clock for our ceremony. My family showed up to our house around that time, needing to shower and iron, and whatever else they didn't get up early enough to do. The second lesson my new mother learned, was that like it or not, we sometimes do have to wait for my family.

Now, this is enough to send a bridezilla over the edge. I had accounted for this likely event. The only thing on the agenda for the day was I was going to marry the man that I loved, we may not know when, but we were having a wedding. Luckily, my new dad would be officiating and we could be flexible. After two return trips to the hotel to retrieve forgotten items, my family was ready.

We caravaned over to the park where we'd picked the perfect spot to say our "I do's", and the perfect spot had been taken over by someone else. We moved over 100 feet, and half an hour later we were married.

The rest of the day was spent hanging out, we took some pictures, we ate some lunch, the boys played whiffle ball in the back yard, I took some family to a carousel. At one point my new hubby and I were babysitting (yes it was for someone in my family), it rained HARD. It was a great day.

I'm so happy that I didn't let details ruin my wedding day. I could have been upset that my family went on vacation instead of coming to dinner with us. I could have been upset that they didn't show up on time, or that I didn't get the perfect picture or had to move the location at the last minute. Ten years later the time and the place don't matter. I am so glad the stories that make us laugh are not about how I went crazy, but about my wierd family.

What truly matters ten years into forever was that I married the right guy. And I would do it all over again.

Happy Birthday America

I know it's not yet the 4th, but the 4th is my day. We celebrate 10 years this year. So, without further ado, something to think about....



and this


and finally


I'm sorry if they don't flow, for some reason I can't find the 3 of 3 from Discovery.

...no longer accepting credit

Last week I read that gas stations were getting killed by credit card charges and some were going to discontinue using them. If you do please put in cash acceptors at the pump, I don't want to drag in the kids, although I know that's what you want.

I don't want to brag, but I gave up credit in February. Before the gas stations decided to. Trendsetter? Possibly.

Just today, I read in the sports section, where else, that the local gentlemans club is no longer accepting credit. How will they survive? Oh - the boobies. Also, I'm sure they'll be bringing in less, so their tax burden will go down, wink, wink.

Just a personal note, since we've been doing the cash thing we have more of it than ever. Actual comma's in the bank statements. Both savings and checking. I was the lone stand out for keeping credit around, I was wrong. In case my man isn't paying attention... honey, I was wrong.

Works for me Wednesday - 5 items or less

Today is all about easy recipes requiring five items or less. For other great ideas go here

Chicken Enchiladas - Lasagna style

Corn Tortillas - 2 - 3 per person
Hatch's Green Enchilada Sauce with Garlic
Shredded cheese - I use Colby Jack
Canned chicken breast

Enchiladas take time, I don't have time. So instead of rolling them, I layer the ingredients like a lasagna. Let's face it, it tastes the same, and after four seconds on the table, it looks the same.

Layer in a pan the sauce, tortilla, chicken and cheese, repeat, repeat, repeat, then cover with a ton of cheese. Put in an oven til the cheese is all melty, or if you are using uncooked chicken, wait til the chicken is done. I bake it at 350 because that is the default on my oven. It will also work in the microwave if your pan will fit.

The all important fifth ingredient? Sour cream

If you use the canned chicken and pre-shredded cheese it takes two minutes to prepare, or you can let a preschooler do it, just put the sauce in a plastic container so no one cuts themself on the can.

...MRI part deux

Wouldn't you know it, I've had chronic pain in my left arm since October. I was told on June 2nd that an MRI was advisable, two days after last years insurance and its met deductible went away. I put it off for a month, hoping increased therapy would help it. Nope. So, last Thursday I scheduled one. Sunday, it was as bad as it's been, Monday, it was as good as new, today even better. Of course Sunday was the first time I'd asked anyone to pray for it. Coincidence? I think not.

So, I arrive at my appointment this morning, ready for a good long nap. I raced her husband to the desk. It was no contest with his gimpy hip and all. He'll be getting a new one next week, so my chances at winning our next race will be greatly diminished. While I'm usually ok running around large, cold buildings filled with strangers in nothing but a gown, they are usually strangers. Thankfully we parted ways in the waiting room.

After what sounded like preparing toddler for a road trip...
"gotta go to the bathroom?"
"where are your shoes?"
"get in and sit still"
"headphones?"
"are you ok? You're going to be in there awhile, and once we start we're not stopping."
I was ready for my nap.

Little did I know the headphones would be a mistake. It gave them the opportunity to "keep me company".

"We're going to get started. Hold still. Should only be about twenty minutes. Breathe normally, don't move. Are you doing ok? Now during this next one you'll need to hold real still, honey."

Ok lady, A. Shut up. And B. I'm sorry that my ample bosom is jiggling your picture, it's called breathing; I can't help it.

Were it not for the constant chit chat, or just chit as it was one way, it would've been a nice relaxing time. But because of all the chit that was going on it was very annoying.
"we've got about ten minutes left."
"seven minutes"
"two minutes"
"I know I said two minutes last time, but it's going to be another two minutes."

SHUT UP

After the third "two more minutes" it was all done, I grabbed the paperwork, got dressed and left. I took notice of the numbers before I handed them to the receptionist.

Diagnosis - Hydracephalys - oops typo'd.
Diagnosis - Shoulder strain, we needed to spend a grand figuring that one out?

Better luck next time.

...MRI's and naps

Tuesday I'm going in to get an MRI on my shoulder. It's my baby carrying arm and apparently I have on "overuse" injury. As an indication as to how bad it is, my CHIROPRACTOR thinks I'll probably need surgery. That's bad.

When they were scheduling it they asked me if I am closterphobic, "nope," I joked that I was "looking forward to the isolation, I'll probably try to sneak in a nap."

The kindly young woman told me that MRI's are loud. Yes, they are, I've had one, but they are not as loud as my life. When you have three little and loud ones, any opportunity for "alone time" is precious, even if it is in a big loud machine and costing you $1,000 - and no one will be talking to me. Yea!

I hate when you just want to not be talked to and the massage therapist thinks she's playing 20 questions. Or it's six in the morning and you are explaining for the 900th day in a row that there is no talking before the sun comes up. Three years ago I needed to be in a cave, 100 miles from other people to be able to sleep. Now, I can sleep under a helicoptor with a search light on.

I don't want to get surgery, I'm not afraid of the pain, I'm currently in pain, I'd like for it to go away. I don't want to have a scar, I'm so vain. So, I'm praying for a miracle. And if you know me, you should too, because I'll be asking you to watch the kids while I catch up on my sleep.

...My 100 things

the first 50

51. I love the Tilt-a-Whirl

52. My husband takes me to every carnival we see so I can ride one

53. My husband is too sweet

54. I sort my M&M's by color and eat them by number order

55. I once found a package with no yellow

56. I'm a dork

57. I hated school

58. I still do

59. I broke the growth plate in both of my little toes as a child

60. I have adult feet with little kid little toes

61. I love to travel

62. I stopped using credit

63. I'm still alive

64. We will be debt free including the house before we turn 40

65. My current favorite word is spectacular as said by my baby girl

66. I have two girls and four boys

67. God knew what He was doing when he put our family together

68. Good thing

69. Our final child is a challenge - we've had to become better parents because of it

70. If I were you I'd invest in paint and Coke and M&M's - we go through a lot here

71. I wish I had the patience to garden - the English castle kind of garden

72. I can't grow weeds

73. That had an S at the end

74. I have three tattoos

75. I have two more planned

76. I love reality tv

77. I was born at home

78. Not on purpose

79. I listen to Amy Grant's 80's Christmas Album all year long

80. I've had it on vinyl, on cassette, on cd and I finally downloaded it

81. I have a thing about keeping shoes in their original boxes

82. Ok I really keep them strewn about the house and put them in their original boxes once every blue moon when I clean.

83. I can never find my shoes

84. or my keys

85. I remember my dad's calling card number from the days when you had to give it to the operator - 74003109329770

86. I remember the phone number to the Pizza Hut in a town I haven't lived in 18 years - 307-686-0360

87. Had I married the boy I intended to when I was in first grade, my name would be M-I-crooked letter, crooked letter, E, crooked letter, crooked letter, H-I, hump back, hump back, Y.

88. Three best inventions - Tempurpedic mattresses, Coca Cola, and Lucky Brand jeans

89. End of the world scenario - no dvr, no texting, no ac

90. I get bored easily

91. I love visiting new places

92. I usually want to move there

93. I wish I could play guitar

94. I have tendonitis in my left arm which hurts when I try

95. I come from a big family

96. My mother once told a hostess at a restaurant - there are only 27 tonight

97. Bats or Frogs? Bats

98. I was wrong about Chiropractic care

99. I never finish what I start

...Thankful Thursday - Life

I am thankful for the life that I have.

It is crazy, it is fun, it is not fun. But I love it all.

I am thankful that my babies mama chose life for them. I am blessed that I have gotten to spend their life with them. I cannot imagine life without them.

I am thankful for my life partner, he's truly my better half.

I am thankful that my life takes place in America. I cannot think of a better place.

I am thankful that Christ gave His life for mine. I doubt I'd have done the same.

For your own Thankful Thursday - Life edition go here.

...works for me Wednesday

The Neutrogena Skin Rejuvenator

It is the most awesomenest invention on the planet. I love it. It is recommended that you use it everyday with the scrubby pads that come with it. On alternating days I use the pads that come with The Wave. I had one of those as well, but it self destructed somehow. Instead of buying a new Wave, I opted to just use the skin Rejuvenator everyday with altnerating cleansing pads.

It works so well, I've had problems with my skin for as long as I've had hormones. This is no longer the case. Even my, what the botox ads call them, exclamation points between my eyebrows are filling out. Sorry botox, you will have to wait.

So if you were wondering if it was worth the money, it totally is. It's less than half the price of one facial, and works soooo much better.

For your own Works for me Wednesday, go here

...adoption and the Caymon Islands

Confused? What does one thing have to do with the other? Well, ask Diego. Go, Diego, go, Diego. He is on Nickelodeon urging all the kiddos to come to the Caymon Islands and pet the turtles.

I'd love to Diego, but I can't bring my babies. I can afford to, I would like to, but I'm only shacking up them. We are not legally bound. (Is this where I comment on gay marriage? No, another day.) While it seems trivial, the wording on their birth certificates prohibits me from being their parent. I can act like one, I get to do all of the fun stuff like doctor visits and barf clean up, but in order for me to take them to a waterpark not far from here, but in another county, I need permission from the court. These are your tax dollars at work.

Is it any wonder why people are not interested in becoming foster parents. It's like we're on probation for someone else's crime. To become a foster parent now you need to be fingerprinted, get permission to leave the county, check in with a caseworker on a weekly basis. While I've never been convicted of anything it seems to me a lot like I have.

Court is scheduled for a couple of weeks from now, the state is pressuring the county to resolve this long overdue case. Legally it is two and a half years overdue. I can't help but wonder if the county court will do something outlandish to prove they can resolve their own matters in whatever way they choose. It is merely a wonder and not a worry. I know that it is in God's hands. I know that this case will resolve itself one way or another when He allows it.

Until then Diego will have to wait.

...hmmm?

Take a Free IQ Test.

You Belong in 1993

With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

You Are 56% Gentleman

Generally you act like a gentleman, but sometimes you're careless with your manners. Most people know that you're trying your best - and that's usually good enough.

Are You A Gentleman?

************************
************************

You Are a Total Brainiac

You're amazingly brilliant. Some would even say genius. You're curious, thoughtful, analytical, and confident. You take on difficult subjects because you want to... not because you have to. No field of knowledge is too complicated or intimidating for you. You've got the brains to do anything you want. It's possible you end up doing everything you want.

Are You a Brainiac?

**********************

You Are 31% Scary

You scare men off ocassionaly, but only very weak men. You're a normal woman. You're not perfect, but you're pretty darn close.

Do You Scare Off Men?

************************

Your Mind is Yellow

Of all the mind types, yours is the most intellectual. You crave mental stimulation, and your thoughts tend to very complex. Your thoughts tend to be innovative and cutting edge, though many people don't understand them. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about science, architecture, and communication.

What Color Is Your Mind?

********************

...I knew I was amazing

You Are a Maze

You can be confusing, tiring, and deceptive. But at the end of it all, you're sweet. You believe there are many ways to get to an answer... And you are willing to explore every single one of them!

What Kind of Puzzle Are You?

...I am too stupid (very not also) and the luckiest girl alive

For 22 years I have worn contacts. For most of those years I've worn them 90% of my waking hours, I've swam with them, slept in them, put them in my mouth when saline solution was not available. Never, ever have I ever torn one. Until I opened my latest box of monthly wear lenses. I have worn two, and torn two.

Today as I was getting a tiny piece of plastic removed from my eye, for the second time in as many weeks, I inquired if the "can't return lenses policy" applied to defective lenses. I was informed by the medical professional, I could tell she was a medical professional because she was wearing scrubs, that "these lenses just don't break on their own" and "I must be wearing them incorrectly."

I know, incorrectly wearing my contact lenses for 22 years, I am too stupid. Of course I'm only wearing them wrong in my left eye, I'm still tear (tare not teer) free in my right eye. I hope that there is a class I can attend, or maybe information online about wearing them correctly. I remember the remedial class I got almost a quarter of a century ago about inside out, not sleeping in them, not swimming with them, etc, but my aged memory is failing about other correct ways to wear my lenses.

So, I'm reaching out to the bloggy world as to inform me how I could be so wrong all of these years. God has surely shined His light of luck upon me as this is the first time I've had a consequence resulting from my pure ignorance for 22 years. Yet, what is a problem if we don't learn the lesson?

So, please bloggy world, tell me how to wear my lenses correctly. (Please include a picture of you in your scrubs so that I am assured of your medical training.)

...of judgement

Read this.

To summarize, a mom was teaching her girls that to give sometimes means to sacrifice. The girls, in all their five year old wisdom, mentioned her purse, which she'd named. So, obediently, to God, she gave. Then someone, probably well meaning, commented that she should have never had such a purse in the first place.

Why is it that some people think that to serve God, means to never have anything nice? We are to walk around in third hand clothes, living in a hut, because our money should go to the poor. Should we not even have money, donating all of our time to God for free?

God said there would always be poor among us. He never said that we had to be among them. If there aren't God fearing people with money serving God, and giving to worthy causes, who do we think is going to support them? He only asks for 10% in most cases, what we do with the rest as long as it's legal and moral is permissable.

I said most cases, because some people are required to give more. Several years ago we gave away our emergency fund. I feel that we were asked to give that, partly because we were quite comfortable with it. If anything were to happen, we had an emergency fund. Well, apparently God needed us to be a little more reliant on Him a little while longer. Every once in awhile, I wish we had an emergency fund, but all the while I know I have God.

I am about to take a very nice vacation, with four kids, by myself. I am going to a very nice place, staying in a very nice hotel, eating in the very nicest restaurants. I am going without a credit card. While I have more cash on hand than I had credit on many of my previous vacations, I have that twinge. What if?

I had become more trusting in Master Card than God, and so several months ago I cut up all of my credit cards. I could probably get them replaced, but I really don't want to. I don't want to hate this vacation. I want to be able to enjoy it, and not have to worry about whether I can go on the next one because I'm still paying for the last one.

Sowing and reaping is a law. Physical and spiritual. You cannot plant corn and get carrots. You plant corn, you get more corn. You plant goodness, you get more goodness. You give up something that you hold dear, whether it a purse or the delusion of credit, you get so much more.

There will be people who will judge a nice Christian woman, taking her nice Christian kids to Sin City for seven days. Why stay in a four diamond hotel downtown, when we could stay at a motorlodge in the boonies? Eating at Wolfgang Puck, when we could feed a village? Oh and I plan to shop. If more than four people read this, there would be someone who would say that the money could be used more wisely. I could be feeding orphans or giving money to the poor. That someone would not know me. The orphans will be fed regularly and the valets tipped well. Feel free to judge, remembering whatever measure you use with me, will be used for you.

Works for Me Wednesday

Problem one: You are at a BBQ and you set your coke down for just a second. When you set it down there wasn't another drink within a mile from yours. Turn around and voila, 800 coke cans.

Problem two: You have every permeation of the Live Strong bracelet ever invented. You have every color known to man. You even have every swirled combination. You want to support every cause but your arms aren't that long.

The solution:


I have this knowledge, I just never put it to use, but I will.

For your own Works for me Wednesday.

...seriously folks?

25 Snow Whites no Dwarfs

I'm sure they all felt special (in the short bus kind of way).

...it wasn't today but

I've turned into one of those moms. I ran across a woman today who was twittering about those moms. You know, the ones who are dressed and ready for the day when they drop their kids off at preschool. Ones who find time to shower EVERY day. Well, you know what us "those moms" are thinking. "I hope they feed Johnny a snack, I forgot to feed him."

The whole world is set up to make us feel inadequate about whatever we feel inadequate about ourselves. Why do you think they sell hair straightener AND perm stuff. We are to feel that we, as packaged, are not enough. I have straight, brown hair. I always wanted curly hair. I'd cry (not really) when girls would relate to me their stories of straightening their hair, and how they longed for my straight hair, all the while wondering how I could get curls that curled just right.

I used to schedule my life around my kids. I couldn't bear to put them to bed when they threw a fit, or make them eat what I had made, or do anything they didn't want to do. I went along with their demands, and they got more demanding. I didn't care what I looked like, frumpadump who cares.

It wasn't an overnight transformation, but one day I realized I had no life outside of my children. I could not go out with my husband and talk about anything other than my children. I could not socialize with anyone unless it involved my children. I was not going to let other people "raise" my children, then I realized that they weren't being raised, they were just getting older.

So I went from huge oversized t-shirts to clothes that fit my body and my personality. I no longer walked around in whatever I'd slept in the night before, or possibly longer, I got up and showered, and I did it every day. Yes, we had little ones in the house, guess what, they all lived. If I could wear make up I would, but I am allergic to anything that comes into contact with my eyes. I sent the kids away, joined Bible studies, had lunch with acquaintances that became my friends. My husband and I do not talk about the kids when we go out and the kids are still alive.

It's not that I don't absolutely love my kids, I do, but when did they become more important than me? Or my husband? Or anything else for that matter. I realized the idolistic nature that kids have in America. Our kids have to be the best and the brightest and have the latest, whether or not we can afford it or they deserve it. These kids are not going to be kids forever, who is going to tell them that the 400 trophies they've accumulated by merely existing are meaningless? Well, the world will. When will we stop holding ceremonies to honor them for showing up? Why do they have to graduate every year? "Yeah you, you made it out of Kindergarten, and you showed up every day. Aren't you special?" No, everyone gets an award, even if they have to make one up.

I have not held a job outside of the house for nine years. I have three pre-schoolers. I shower EVERY day. I do not leave the house looking like a frumpadump. I was asked once for advice on staying home after the baby. Shower first thing every day, date your husband and maintain relationships outside of your home.

When you look back on the over documented life of your children, everyone will laugh at the crazy, outdated clothes. You will cringe at the way you spent all of your time and energy dressing them that way. If you don't believe me go grab your Easter Sunday pictures from 1973, you and all your siblings dressed in satin and velvet matching outfits. Bet your mom was proud that day, now she's wondering what couch died to make dad's suit. But look at mom, does she look like she's tired and worn out, or are you thinking that mom looked good back in the day? Now, think about how you are going to look when we look back in twenty years.

...cuddling with God

I love Saturdays, a day we generally don't have to get up and be anywhere. We can generally just lay in bed until the little people show up, sometime around six. I know it is the custom in many families that the little people come in and snuggle with the big people, to lay there together discussing what the day may bring. The one time they are allowed to step across the threshold into the parents room, feeling they are getting away with something. Feeling a little special that they are, for whatever reason, allowed in. My kids are legally restricted from doing so, so of course I'm am talking in generalities.

I am not a morning person, left to my own devices I'd get up sometime around lunch. By the time the little ones are crying out shortly before succumbing to starvation or dehydration, God has usually nudged me awake. I'm all snuggled up asking the big guy what we're going to do today. I want to spend as much time together before the day gets away from us. I don't often say a lot, just enjoying being in His presence. I realize that it's a place that I am only allowed because He has allowed it. But all too soon I get we realize that there are things that need to be done, people who need us. We leave, and I look forward to the next time I can steal away for a few moments to cuddle.

...we celebrated a life.

My dear sweet friend went home on Sunday, today we gathered to celebrate her life. Jeannie was the sweetest woman I've had the pleasure to know.

Her husband shared that he used to go out of his way to be by her school when she got out, so he could give her a ride (to the end of her block). It was fun to see her as a sneaky teen in love.

You could see her grow in happiness with each passing milestone. Her graduation, her wedding, and with each new baby her smiles got bigger. By the time her grandchildren arrived she could not contain her smiles. This is the time of her life in which our paths crossed. When she spoke of her children and especially her grandchildren her joy shined through. I will always remember when she brought her granddaughter to a baby shower for a friend. You'd have thought she'd brought with her the queen of England. I'd always tease her about needing to be more into her kids, although I don't believe that it would be possible.

She was always most interested in how you were doing. I rarely knew her to have a problem. She shared glimpses of her life, she once told me that this quote by John Wesley meant a lot to her.

“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”

Well, Jeannie. I think you did it all. We will miss you here, but look forward to hanging out in the future, discussing your favorite subjects your Jesus and your family. BTW your family is amazing. Your daughters are so nice and sweet and miss you so much. Your husband was thankful for every day he shared with you. I know you know all of this, rest easy knowing that we will love them all the best we know how until we all join you.

...They wouldn't sell me windows

A window company has been stalker calling us for years. We are finally in the market for windows so the other night when they called I said "sure come on over."

This afternoon a nicely dressed gentleman rang the bell ready to sell us some windows. He said it would take about 45 minutes for the demonstration.

"Well, I don't really need a demonstration." I know how windows work and I have the internet (thanks to Al Gore).

He kindly told me that he could not sell me the windows without a demonstration. Not even if I were to hand over the cash today. He CANNOT sell me windows without the demonstration.

OK I get it, but I have way more money than time at this point, and I can always get more money. I really don't want to hear what kind of gas they put between their panes that make it "far superior" to anything out there. I know he saw my 35 year old house, he was standing in front of it. I just need some new windows. I just want some quality windows at a reasonable price. I don't care about financing options we do the 100% down plan. I have no need to hear that you've been in business for 100 years just give me a price. If it's going to be $47,000 I'm not going to be interested. If it's $1,000 I'm going to be suspicious. Give me a price and let me ask questions.

I'm sure the "guy sitting at your kitchen table" sales technique still works, but not here. We can get rid of people pretty quickly, the longer you stay the less we supervise the kids. Go talk the little old lady down the street out of her savings, I want a price before you get in the door, and if you cannot do that without a gimmick then I don't want your windows anyway.

Pomp and Circumstance

My daughter graduated today. It was lovely, I almost cried. Once from emotion, many more times from boredom. There were approximately 500 thousand graduating today, give or take.

The processional was long, by the end we were referencing the Gettysburg address. Luckily they did away with the fancy walk. They were only required to stay a taped off area away from the group in front of them; some of them still got it wrong.

The flag ceremony was accompanied by all sorts of random whoops and hollers from the stands, "yes Joe sees you. Shut up it's the flag, show some respect. I was raised by wolves and know better." Afterwards the choir was kind enough to sing us a lullaby which was nice because I was in need of nap by then.

After endless moments we were all quite ravished. It had been nearly an hour since I'd consumed a whole meal. I jokingly had asked hubby beforehand if there would be beer concessions. No beer, but you could get everything else. Has it all lost a little pomp if we can nosh on nachos? I'm sure Harvard brings in a pretty buck from it's graduation nacho concessions.

But back to the circumstance. I understand that some honor should be given those who shine academically, but speaking doesn't have to be one of them. The Valedictorian and Salutatorian should understand as well as any that certain privileges should go to those who excel in that area. While I am sure those boys kicked math butt, I'd rather listen to some speecher, thus saving me the hassle of ever attending a speech and debate meet.

My daughter fell alphabetically in the third row. We didn't know it was acceptable to leave the moment her feet hit the floor after receiving her fake diploma. (Well, don't know if it was fake, mine was. Traded in the blank one for a real one with my name on it after the ceremony.) By the time we hit the P's we were the only ones in our section. Next time we'll know better. Hopefully our T children will be A children before their ceremony. We might catch a matinee before they miss us.

****Sorry Google Readers, insect emergency accidentally posted too soon.

After our social blunder of staying for the entire ceremony, we joined the other social infants in the cattle drive towards the escalators. We rested easy knowing that in the likely event we were trampled it was indeed cold enough to keep our bodies preserved until they found us. I got separated from my family somewhere near the restrooms????The crowdal wave carried me out the door so I could enjoy my second hand smoking. Had I known, I'd have come prepared, cigarette in mouth as soon as the great outdoors was in sight. Again, I'm kind of a social geek, I did however observe that it might have been smarter for them to light their cigarettes before exiting the shelter of the building. The wind was blowing somewhere around 75 mph, and it brought the 1st hand smokers to a halt, causing some bumping and cursing.

All in all it was a good ceremony. Luckily with six children I will learn to enjoy them more as they come along. I was sorry to have missed four already this year. You know, 2 year old preschool class to 3 year old preschool class, times two. 3-4 preschool. 8th grade. At this rate I figure I have approximately 792,412 graduations to miss. One down, five to go, no wait four, the twins will graduate the same year. Yippee.

...Willing to pay good dough,

Several years ago I read an article by a woman who was a SAHM and depressed. She loved to cook but hated to clean and ended up feeling like a failure. She had an acquaintance that was also a SAHM whose house was always picture perfect and wondered why her friend had it all together while she was living in squalor. Her friend meanwhile was sick of take out and freezer meals, and wondered how her friend always found the time to make a gourmet meal.

They lived their lives in quiet desperation until one day one of them broke down. They both realized that the solution to each of their problems was each other. From that day on they spent two days a week together. One day at each of their houses. On that day the cleany friend cleaned the house, whose ever house they were at, and the cooky friend made dinners for each of them for the week. Not only did they solve their individual problems they gained a friendship the writer referred to as her new tribe.

It has only been in recent history that women have walled themselves inside their homes trying to do it all. Telling my age a little here, but I remember the commercial where the woman could "bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let him forget he's a man," implying to us that SHE has it all together and SHE has a job. Before SHE came along we used to meet at the well to gather our water, and at the river to wash our clothes. We gathered around our teepees while some of us cooked, some of us watched kids, and spent our days with others. Now, we are culturally intimidated into doing all of it ourself.

While I could claim myself THE victim I know there are others out there.

I guess I should hang a sign around my neck stating "Will Make Hot Fresh Bread in Exchange for House Cleaning".

..we review our week.

You can go from three kids to six. Sometimes it is "the more the merrier".

?

Tithing has been a blessing to our family.

?

You can fit all of this


into one bag


Actual contents:
1 Pair Yoga Pants
1 Pair Lucky Brand Jeans
1 Pair Brown Slacks
1 Dress
5 Shirts
1 Sport Bra
1 Pair Running Shoes
1 Pair Fit Flops
1 Pair Mia Diamond Girl Sandals Dark Brown
1 Swimming Suit
6 Pair each socks and underwear
1 Make up bag containing:
(Olay Daily Facials, Toothbrush, hairbrush, Pillbox with 2 weeks medicine and two pair earings, fingernail clippers, razor, contact lens case.)
3-1-1 Bag containing Toothpaste, saline, mascara, deodorant, prescription nose spray, shaving cream, lotion, mascara, Tide Sink Packs, and Biofreeze
Bag weighs less than 10 pounds, it is more than I would need in one week, but wanted to show how much could go in one bag.

Personal Item is a zipped up picnic blanket with a neck pillow, my purse and Bible.

You can find me by Googling "my kids are stupid" but you have to dig deep because apparently they are at least five pages deep.

...Google Me

People found me by Googling "my kids are stupid". Just for fun I Googled "my kids are stupid" just to see. I went through FIVE pages, and I wasn't there. I am wondering just how stupid these kids were that the parents could not get the answers they were looking for in the first five pages.

Thankful Thursday part Deux

How cute is this shoe? Please ignore the "nylon" grossie.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful that I get to hug and kiss my babies every night, there are other born of the heart mama's waiting to go get their babies

I am thankful that I get to go here while my son goes here and defend his world championship again.

I am thankful for a brother-in-law who hooks me up while in Vegas.

I'm thankful for Donna who case managed my foster home for four years and took all my calls about runaways, psychotic breaks, broken bones, and still takes my calls today as my friend.

I'm thankful that my babies pray over every morsel of food my family eats. Their current favorite is sung like "Are you sleeping"
Thank you Father
For our food
And the love you give us,
Amen

I am thankful that the first day of school is only 80 some days away. God help us all.

As always I am thankful for my man.

For your own Thankful Thursay go to Sting My Heart

...communication.

I've discovered that blogging is an effective way to communicate with my husband. He's wonderful and (not but) he is easily bored with my ramblings. He is a get to the point kind of guy. Blogging helps because he can read faster than I can talk, and when he gets bored, like now, he can skip to the important parts.

He tells me stuff I forget, like "get coffee" or "I got Booger" remember them shortly after he says "MMMMM coffee sounds good" or a frantic search through the house for baby boy. My best defense is that my hard drive is full and nothing gets saved. Or that what I said earlier may be more sexy than smart.

But bottom line is he loves me, even if I have to remind him, often.

Really, you do love me honey. I promise.

Works for me Wednesday

When I travel I only take a backpack. I am genetically predisposed to kitchen sink packing, the backpack is a self imposed limit that I love. Also helpful when traveling with a large family, can you imagine 1 carry on, 1 personal item, 2 checked bags x 8. I can, it ain't pretty. And now that they charge for the first checked bag, expensive.

With a backpack we can fit all of our luggage in the van, we avoid baggage claim, we avoid a week in CRP with no undies because our bag is in CPR. If we run out of clothes many places have something I like to call a laundromat.

I still take too much, is that possible?

To do your own Works for me Wednesday go here

...tithing

While blogging around today I learned something new, tithe does not mean what I think it means, what tipped me off? Those who listed tithe as an interest also listed xxxholic and faeries. I am leaving tithe on my blogring so when they go looking for each other they find me......

Tithing may not seem like much of an interest, but it fascinates me. There is the whole old/new testament debate as to whether or not the tithe applies to us today. Of course we all pick out the "rules that apply to us" and defend them wholeheartedly. Tithe/not, tattoo/not, pork/not, adultery/not, just kidding(kind of). As someone who has done all of the above, I know that it is not a salvation issue, Thank God!!!! Yet, wonder why tithing is included in the things that one should do.

I, of my own accord, would not tithe, it's just not good math. But in Malachi who doesn't want that? We as a family have been incredibly blessed since we began to tithe. In fact, some of our blessings were up at 5 this morning reminding us just how blessed we were. We also just refinanced our house cutting 9 years off of our mortgage and only raising our payment $7.00 per month. In the last year we have gone on some fabulous vacations, and have paid cash for our summer vacations to Vegas and Montana. (We're flying with six kids, and have you seen the gas prices?) I would say we are blessed, just don't look at our furniture, that is a conscious choice, we have six kids.

I think tithing is included in the should do's, not because God needs money, but because it changes who we are. We spend a lot of time worrying about money, when we should be contemplating God. Satan can do a lot with money, he can cause us to work so much we alienate our friends and family so that we can buy stuff to impress strangers. He can give us a free t-shirt for signing up for his 27% credit card. If we can make the payments it takes our money from things we find worthy and gives it to the credit card company, if we cannot make the payments we end up doing even more stupid stuff. Bringing a tithe tells God that we trust him to take care of our needs.

On another tithing note, I give mine online because I know that it saves our church a lot of processing time, but I haven't signed up for autodraft. I don't know whether it's a big deal or not, but for me I need to consciously do it everytime. To me it is beyond the realm of my mortgage or cable payment which are autodrafted. I need to remind myself that God is my priority when it comes to money. I try to make it my first payment, but like I said before none of this is a salvation issue. It is just how God is changing my heart, and how he changes yours might be totally different.

...I have knowledge

Blogging around today I found this so as not to go on and on on her comments I thought I'd share here.

We doubled and halved our household many times. Topped out at eight, six are here now.

Laundry - anyone who can dress themself has to do their own laundry. Each person has a laundry morning and a laundry afternoon. On morning laundry day sheets and blankets go into the washer when you wake up, I push it through and make the bed when done. Afternoon laundry gets thrown in the pillowcase, all dumped in the washer, (who sorts at eight?) ****This worked when we had older kids, three of our six are three so I do their laundry. It actually worked better with eight than it does now, with eight you have to follow the schedule.

We drive a Toyota Sienna, seats eight and all seats have anchors. Three carseats fit in the back seat.

All kids have a bathroom cubby in their room. Shoebox drawers from Target. One bin holds toothpaste, tooth brush etc, the other their shower stuff. That way no one dumps someone elses shampoo or swipes the toilet with someone elses toothbrush. (Been doing this awhile). Hooks in bedroom to hang bath towels.

We also do not babyproof, we use doorlocks on all the doors with a hook and bungee keychain hanging higher than 5 year old height for the key. This keeps little ones from messing with the older ones, older ones appreciate and respect the lock and stay out. Purely psychological as the key is right there.

Travel tip - pack what you can when you get home. We fly a lot so we have 3-1-1 bags packed at all times. Just grab and go. Do not give kids more advanced warning than you need, they'll bring everything. We travel by backpack only - each kid has a travel pack that they can carry when full, we do laundry on the road if necessary, only takes an hour at the laundry mat. Little ones we can pack in one bag and each gets to carry their comfort items in a backpack they can handle and I or dad have a front pack, or padding for the laptop. Don't pack jammies, pack sweats that way if you want to do something like rock climbing or need layering you're covered. I'm also incorporating this from now on.

Also LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT KIDS whenever you can. When you leave with your spouse don't talk about the kids, if all you can talk about is the kids you aren't doing it enough. During respite adults leave, kids stay. This has worked better for us, kids don't have the old feeling of getting uprooted, and who couldn't use a weekend away? Costs more money, but less "paying for respite" emotionally.

Hope this helps someone.

...do we really need?

Instructions for frosting? They aren't even right, who puts frosting on a cake? Eat it straight from the tub.

Dietary information "as packaged". Who is eating a bag of unpopped popcorn, or macaroni and cheese dust? And do those eating it care about their diet?

Thankful Thursday (on a Friday)

My first Thankful Thursday and as per usual I'm late. If you'd like to post your own Thankful Thursday go to Sting my Heart

I'm thankful for my husband who is my biggest fan.

I'm thankful I have other fans.

I'm thankful for a God of big ideas and the lovers and the haters that come with them.

I'm thankful for my born of the heart mama's who have to get up after this.

I'm thankful for my born of the heart babies and the Mama who gave them life.

I am thankful we are closing on our refi that will cost us $7.00 more per month and save us 9 years of payments.

I am thankful for this knowledge.

Foster Care Prayer Vigil Week

May 19-25 has been set aside as the week to pray for children in foster care. Go here for more details Foster Prayer and here are some specific names of children in foster care that you can pray for

Nate - awaiting finalization
Carter - just given back to mom in a residential drug treatment facility
Juan - stuck in foster care for four years
Nano - stuck in foster care
Roland - stuck in foster care
Abel - stuck in foster care
Mia -stuck in foster care
Shelly - stuck in foster care
Nathalia - been in foster care and mental hospital most of her life, will age out in 2.5 months with a middle school education and a state mandated drug addiction which she will not be able to afford

...Foggy Mountain Top

Last winter we went to Albuquerque, overlooking the city is Sandia Mountain. I decided that we needed to be on top of that mountain. I deduced that the view would be awesome, so up we went. I cannot report on the view as about 30 seconds before we reached the top a ginormous cloud descended upon the mountain and I could barely see ten feet, let alone the valley below.

I could have been grumpy about it, I can't remember if I was, you'll have to ask hubby. But MY recollection is that I wasn't. I was upset that I was missing out on the view, but just because I didn't see it, doesn't mean that it had changed. It was still very beautiful, I just couldn't see it.

That's where I'm at today. Sitting up on top of a foggy mountain. Knowing there is a view that I can't see today, maybe tomorrow the view will be clear, but I might not be here. I don't know where to go today, I can't see the whole valley, just my immediate vicinity. I want to believe that all that I believe is true. I also understand that many people would define that as crazy.

I know I'm not normal. This has been pointed out to me this week, yesterday an acquaintance pointed out that "just six" is not a normal answer to how many kids you have. Normal people drive their kids six hundred places, they don't plan a multi zeroed community center around the premise that they hate to be in the car. No one else has a story like mine, no one gets married like I did, no one gets their kids like I did. I have a special life.

I've been working on a contingency plan, just in case the old grocery store doesn't work out, hubby says forget about plan 2, believe in plan 1.2 and go with it. Believe that they are going to hand you the keys, and the money will come and it will all work out. I cannot see the whole path, but I can see my next step and I will take that step and the next and the next and I might not get to see the view from the top for awhile, but one day I'll be able to see all of God's glory. The view from here is beautiful, I just can't see it today.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Psalms 119:105

...of Amazing Possibility

Yesterday I was offered an idea. One that is so simply brilliant that I feel silly for not thinking of it myself. For one month now I have been working on opening a community center in my neighborhood, I am doing it without borrowing money. God has shown us time and again that if we do things our way they may not turn out bad, but they don't turn out best. So, how does one get a multimillion dollar venture going without going into debt? God. That's my only answer.

We are big believers in the tithe. We do it and don't worry about where that money could have gone. It lessens our desperation of the bottom line. We don't go around moping that we can't get this or that because we brought our tithe. We cheerfully bring it knowing that what we sow we will reap, it's the law.

So back to getting a multimillion dollar venture going. Doing it without enslaving ourselves further to a giant corporation. We were looking at this venture as 4 or 5 houses a year, but from a different angle it is only a day or two of earnings, and that is just locally. Same number, different perspective. Would I not give a day or two of earnings to better my part of the world? Yes I would. Why wouldn't that work coming back to me?

So, while I'm not yet blogging about this on my community center blog, I'm blogging about it here so that I can praise God for ideas that are bigger than me, for people who see things differently than I, and for all the things that He has done that I am still unaware.

To quote my buddy Moses, "Who am I?" to which God replied "I AM."

It is my new found belief that we are going to be given an old grocery store. For free. No rent, a 99 year lease for $0 - talk about priceless. (Would saying 'suck on that Mastercard' lessen the holiness of this?)

...revisiting How past

Things always seem harder than they are. I look at tasks ahead of me and wonder how I'm going to do them. How they are going to fit into my schedule and all the other how's that keep us where we are.

Looking back over the how's of my life like an annual Dickens tradition, I see that the how's are just a bunch of yippy Chihuahua's.

How can I pass algebra? Learn a little more everyday.
How can I pay rent? Get a job.
How can I have a baby? Little late for that now.
How can I find the time to shower? You can't find time you have to take it.
How can I do all of this paperwork for a home study? One page at a time.
How can I handle eight kids? They're here now, what choice do you have?
How can I let go of three kids that have become a part of my family? Either move on or die.
How can I leave any child in a place like this? It's either her or you and you have a responsibility to the rest of your family.
How can I deal with three preschoolers? No, really, I'm asking......

In retrospect, all of the how's were just there to focus my attentions. Is this something I really want to do? I'm going to need to focus or forget about it. The how in front of me seems so HUGE right now, but I look around and others are doing it, means it CAN be done. Can I do it? When I look back on this moment, who will have won? Me or How?

...do we do better?

I know I'm not the parent that I could be, or the wife, or friend or leader or follower. I can always do better, I know this. I don't have to look far in any direction to feel superior to someone. Also, I know that others can look at me and feel superior in their own lives. I look at my one friend with 57 different laundry concoctions to get her whites whiter and her colors colorier and think she's crazy. Of course she looks at me who requires anyone who can dress themselves to do their own laundry and gasps in horror, "but they don't sort". Nope, we have a mutual loving friendship and choose to do the same thing very differently.

My superior feeling is my problem. I can look, again not far, and relax knowing that I'm giving my babies a better life than they would have had. The problem comes when that prevents me from giving them the best life I could give them. While I can only do what I can do, somedays I can do better.

I'm trying to get a door open, knowing that on the other side is a big deal. It would be easier if God were to just open it for me, presto, if it works praise God, if not, it wasn't in His will. No pressure on me. I have the key to the door, I just don't know where it is.

I have to answer the question of how I'm doing with what I already have. How are my relationships? How are my finances? Can I deal with my four year old melting down without getting emotionally involved? Have I got the rest of my life in order? Am I running my personal business at peak performance? If I run my business like I run my life, how successful will it be?

While I tend to be a perfectionist, in that if I can't do it perfectly I won't, I need to get over that. I can do better, I cannot do perfect. Like laundry, we all have our own ways of doing things. In the end if it was done "wrong" is it not done? Not in an ends justifying the means kind of way, but if I lovingly do my tasks to the best of my ability can both not be blessed? I have to do my best and rely on God for the rest.

...Just Do It

I'm am not a planner, or an organizer, I am a doer. I moved in with my now husband less than a week after our first conversation, it worked well for us - but stacked the deck pretty heavily against us so I don't recommend it to others. I found transitioning in new kids to be easier with three hours notice than with nine months. There is no time to question if you can handle it. You just have to do it and see.



Now my world is moving at the speed of business. (What idiot came up with that, business moves slow, therefore ship with us, we'll get it there when we get around to it.) I just want to do it already. I can see my new building from my front yard. I'll be so happy when it gets painted. No, I haven't actually gotten the building yet, but read my story about that later.

The best I can do right now, is keep doing what I'm doing. It will get done, and not in my perfectionist way, or my perfectionist time, but whenever it is in God's time. I know there are things that I haven't thought of that will present themselves to me, and I'll be glad I waited for them. I know there are things that I have to do to be ready to do other things. It will all come together perfectly and I will thank God for the privilege of doing His work.

Read this
http://play-n-station.blogspot.com/2008/05/going-to-work.html

...Goodbye My Love

My firstborn is graduating from high school in a couple of weeks. Yes, I know, I'm officially old. I tease my husband that he got both a trophy wife and a cougar because I'm even older than him, but still so hot.

Anyway, my daughter is just not normal. Poor parenting probably, but she is not itching to leave. She will need to be forcibly removed from this nest. She is perfectly discontent sticking around here and being miserable. I'm not pushing her out because I hate her or anything of the sort, I just think that she'll make a great adult, due solely to the exceptional parenting she has received for all these many years. So, please leave.

Of course, everyone is asking how I'm doing with her leaving. Like I said, she's not (yes she is she just hasn't figured it out yet), but if she were I'm fine, so she will be. Regardless of the job that I have done she has a Father who cares for her much more than I do, He will be watching over her, He will allow her, or not allow her, whatever experiences He needs to make her into the person she was made to be. If I think I can compete with that, I am sorely mistaken.

I'm not saying that this change will be easy, but I'm not worried about it. It will be hard not to bail her out of her mistakes, but I cannot. Life will be a shock to her, but she'll finally understand why Dad and I are such horrible people. So, don't need to ask, I'm fine. She'll be fine.

...Stupid Kids

A crotchety old man muttered those words today at the pool. In reference to my little ones. I ignored it. What was I going to say. They're not stupid. I'd have used a different word, but for the sake of what may be a point, we'll stick with stupid.

Yes, my kids are stupid. All kids are stupid. Why do you think they stick around for eighteen years? They are stupid and slow learners. This is also why they are so cute right out of the package, we have to fall in love with them before we realize just how stupid they are. How many times do we have to tell them to pick up their shoes, or brush their teeth? Approximately 989,000 times. Stupid and slow and loved.

Of course I am even more stupid and slow. My darling husband hoped today that I would one day learn to put my dishes in the sink. Maybe he's stupid and slow.

But how many times do we have to go through the same problems before we figure them out? Approximately 989,000 times. I know my babies cannot stay up past 8:00 - by 8:30 they melt down, which results in my meltdown, which just is not the way to spend an evening. I KNOW that if they are bathed and in bed by 8:00 they will go to bed happy, whining but happy, and I will have a nice quiet evening with the rest of the family. But nooooo, I rationalize them staying up with the dream that they will sleep in. They don't. Morning time sleepiness does not kick in until the third day of Kindergarten. It then becomes chronic.

It would be so much easier if we just did what we knew we had to do when we had to do it. Wouldn't it? We know, we're not that stupid, and yet we get paid $100 and spend $150. We wonder why that other mom at school is so skinny, the one always wearing workout clothes. We ponder this each afternoon over a chocolate shake or a 44 oz. coke. We are all just stupid and slow and loved.

...the good towels.

As I was folding laundry this morning I came across some horribly stained towels. These were to be my "good towels". They are white and I wrongly believed that bleach would keep them sparkling. Even bleach can not rescue these from whatever has wronged them. So, I folded them up and donated them to my husband's grody rag pile.

But it reminded me of my aunt. She always had the good towels that we were not to touch. Neither were we to touch the good soap, enter through the front door, or walk on carpet with our shoes. And boy did we like going to her house. And meaning no disrespect here, she still died. Her immaculate house could not save her from the fate that we all have.

I will admit that I could do better in the housekeeping department, but I'm hoping that people like coming to my house. I try to keep it all in perspective. What good are good towels that can't be used, if there is no one there to not use them anyway? Towels last a year if you are lucky. They either fall apart or you want new towels because you're tired of the same old ones. I'd rather have good friends than good towels.

...cash back rewards

We've been saying it for years. We do not borrow money. Unless of course something really important, really cool, or really necessary came up. We've been saying it, but we didn't really, really mean it. This is the day that we change.

A couple of weeks ago we got a notice from our insurance agency that everything on the outside of our house stunk and we needed to do repairs to our roof, foundation, siding, brick work, and facia boards. Also, our trees were too big, (wonder what they are doing about our neighbors trees?) This news came moments after my husband and I decided that it was indeed time to hire an attorney to adopt our kids, and that credit would be ok, this time.

When you start adding it all up, it becomes a lot. We don't borrow money, but we're about to borrow a lot, because it is urgent. We had a little more than a month to make all of these repairs. It' s urgent, but what was more important? Do we change our conviction that we do not want to be slave to a lender? Or, do we let other people dictate through their urgency how we will live our lives? Urgency or conviction?

But how can we really justify the further use of the credit card? We can use debit, we've been choosing not to. Convenience or conviction?

So, there we sat with a $20,000 problem, and we didn't have the money in the bank. We don't borrow money. This seems like a problem. Of course, as with many problems, we look at what we think is the problem, only to find out later that the other side saw it differently. So, we found out exactly what the problem was, and exactly how to fix it.

Regarding the kids, they aren't going anywhere, important not urgent. Regarding the roof, important not urgent. Regarding the trees, urgent and important. So, in the end our $20,000 urgent problem turned out to be less than $1,000. We had that, without borrowing money. The rest of the important matters can be taken care of over time, once we've saved.

All of this is well and good, but there is more. I had to call the mortgage company and explain the insurance situation and find out if we were going to have insurance, if the mortgage company had paid the insurance who was dropping us, they had, and how to pay for the new insurance. Well, got to talking with someone who asked me if I wanted to refinance? We were in great standing with them, our credit scores were good (as high as they'll be from now on, because we don't borrow money), and we could save 1% with no closing costs. So, we're refinancing to a 15 fixed, down from the 24 years remaining on our current loan. It will raise our payment $140/month, but over the life of the loan save us $67,000.00 and nine years of a mortgage payment.

So, we are now vowing to never use credit again. Yikes, what if? I think God has it covered, two weeks ago we had a $20,000 problem. Today, we saved $67,000.00 in finance charges and 9 years of house payments. That's more cash back than I'll ever get from any credit card.

...we cleaned the cupboard

There is always something needing cleaned around here, I don't expend too much energy worrying about it. My mother had a plaque in her house that read "Cleaning with kids in the house is like shoveling the walk while it's snowing." It may have been her mission statement, I'm not sure, hopefully I have a little better attitude about it, but I completely understand it.

We had to clean out the cupboard today, not because the cupboard needed it, but because the little boys found it to be the perfect fire truck. It's the cupboard that houses the Sam's Club cases so it was not traumatic for me, the boys stayed there for an hour or so making it totally worth it. Better yet, they were getting along.

Next time CPS sends me a "little note" about the lack of toys that I have made available for the children, I'll be sure to tell them they don't need toys we just put them in the cupboard.

Why?

Why does God need money? He doesn't. He needs YOU to give it. But why should I have to part with something God doesn't even need? Because the giving is what is important.

Many pastors in many churches ask for money. I cannot comment as to the motives for which they ask, it is none of my business what their motive is. While I am sure that most are asking to further God's kingdom, I am equally sure that others are furthering their own. What IS important is that God asks us to give because it changes who we are.

God is a giver. We are born takers. Our time on earth is to be spent becoming more of the persons we were created to be. We were made in the image of God, when we give we become more like Him.

I am not a giver. I am a spender. I subscribe to the notion that business provides for people better than charities do. After all my spending provides jobs for people that are willing to work for it. But I've come to realize that following God's principles always works. He says give, so I give. He says love, so I love (even when I hate to). He says honor, so I honor. It always works. And so for the sake of obedience I will do what He asks, I will go where He sends, I will give what He wants, and as I do I will understand why.

...I'm knocking on the door.

You know the one Pastor Bil asked us to pray that God would open? Yeah. I'm knocking on it. For those of you who weren't there, our pastor asked us to pray that God would open a door that required faith to walk through.

Visit my door.....http://play-n-station.blogspot.com

...I failed my country.

This morning I got an email of utmost urgency. It was up to me and me alone to save my country from the politicians. You see, Congress is up to no good, and we the people must stop their misdeeds by signing a petition that will go "directly to the president". If I fail to forward that email to "everyone" in my address book the 974 people who have already signed the petition will not have their voices heard. Whatever happens will be my fault, I alone will put the lid on the proverbial handbasket that we are already in and send it straight to hell.

I deleted it. I didn't have W's email address.

...I went to church

I always go to church. Have since I was little, minus that one decade. I stopped going because there didn't seem to be a reason. The people in the church didn't have any better answers about God than the people on the outside. No one could tell me how God had changed them into a better person. I use the term better loosely. I know that we are all sinners, inside and outside of the building that we call the church. I just figured that if the people who were going to church could act like they were so much better, they could tell me why they were so much better, and what God had done to change them. They couldn't.

So, when I left home, boys were so much more interesting than church, and a lot more interested. Of course when I got pregnant and went back home, the church welcomed me with open arms. Oh wait, no they didn't. They were only there to save me, and pray for me, I can count on two fingers the people who loved me anyway. Of course what most of the church people didn't know is that they'd "had" to get married. Funny how those who have received more grace are more capable of giving it.

Well, several years ago, I found the church for me. The first week we attended, they gave all the adults in the church $100 bills. For those of you raised in church, they don't do that. It's crazy. I'd just left a church where one of the elders wasn't quite sure if he had the money to tithe. Even in church people are so caught up on money. I am one of them, but getting better. I'm glad I didn't leave and not come back to the crazy church. It's been life changing.

I've always thought that God spoke to me. Crazy right? Not at my church. I'm not saying that I can hear his voice, but I know it's God. He is usually asking crazy things. It started with honoring my husband. Crazy, who does these things? Then give away a significant amount of our income. Crazy. Apparently God didn't know that we were having some employment issues at the time. God keeps upping the crazy ante. Knowing all the times that He's come through, I still think it's crazy. Right now, He's really asking crazy things of me. Does He not know that I don't do these things? I'm quite sure He does know that he is pushing me well beyond my own defined limits of comfort. I'm quite sure that He is trying to teach me something about myself and about Him. I'm quite sure that I will always have clothes, and food, and shelter. I'm quite sure that my family will always love me, but still I am afraid that I don't have the crazy faith that I need to do the crazy things. And I am also quite sure that if I don't, it will be one of the things that I will regret.

Before me is a door. I know what is on the other side. God has affirmed to me several times, from several sources that He is on the other side of that door. I am just going to have to do some crazy things to get through the door. So, if you see me acting crazy in the near future, don't worry I'm just trying to get closer to my God.

What is wrong with this world?

So anyone who has a tv has no doubt seen the "herpes" commercial. I have seen it, but since the advent of DVR, haven't watched it for awhile. Today I was watching live tv when it came on and I got the "herpes" commercial for the new century. It goes something like this.....

I have herpes.

I don't.

But we have lots of fun and it has not impacted our life in any way. We can do whatever we want because we have a magic herpes pill. I'm attractive and living life to its fullest, it's actually somewhat cool to have herpes.

Not really, but it feels that way to me. The thing that has always bothered me about the commercial is the fine print. It says that 70% of people who have herpes got it from a partner that had no "obvious" signs at the time. What about the other 30% - what were they thinking? Oh obviously there is something wrong here, but what the hey.

The new part that bothers me, in that I had not noticed it before, was at the end one of them says, "it's important to be safe". Why? There is a magic pill that will erase all negative effects of my irresponsibility. Why shouldn't my kids get to do whatever they want, it's cool and doing whatever they want will not negatively impact their life. If it does, they can take a pill, and the government can pay for it, and we can complain. Instead of promoting safety, let's promote brain use.

I want to see the commercial that says....

Hey, I wasn't really thinking and caught a DISEASE that will affect the rest of my life. It has altered my life, and the life of the family that I now want. Medicine helps somewhat with the medical issue that I've created in my life, but because of my lack of self control, or not knowing who I was sleeping with, it will cost me money for the rest of my life. My wife will be affected for the rest of her life, and it cannot be undone. It is something that I have to think about on a daily basis and it does interfere with my life, sure I can still go kayaking, but how important is kayaking anyway, we're talking about my penis.

Worst Parent Ever

Once again I find myself in the position of the horrible parent. I'm making my daughter, who is a senior in high school, walk places and without the right to her cell phone. To top it off I still made her pay for her cell phone and car insurance, even though she has no access to it. I KNOW!!!! Somebody should stop me.

This was not a decision I made in haste or in anger that I couldn't take back, were that the case it would have happened six weeks ago. She has a history of doing just enough to get by, not taking into account the unexpected.

Our house runs on the system of points. Do a chore get a point, want a privilege spend a point. I know....complicated and hard to understand. Anyway, our big girl will do just enough to get her phone and pay her car insurance and nothing else. This has been getting her by. Until now. Recently she has been a little lazy and hasn't gotten all of her points. And then she forgot to get her laundry out of the dryer. I charge five points for laundry removal, now this may seem extreme but since that rule has taken effect I haven't been shuffling their laundry. Anyway this oversight caused an overdraft, and those of us who've overdrafted a checking account know that pain.

So we're letting natural consequences take effect. Can't pay the cell phone bill, can't use the cell phone, can't pay the insurance, can't (or shouldn't) use the car. Better to learn it now than next year.

This wouldn't be as much of a problem for me, but she's gotten all of her friends' parents driving her places. I as a parent do not assume the whatever to drive her friends around. Yes, if we have plans and are including them, I provide door to door service, but not a "so and so has such and such and her parents can't take her...." not my problem. I'm figuring that the surrogate chauffers this week are sitting in my driveway wondering how I could be so lazy, heartless, selfish or what not to deprive my own flesh and blood her inalienable right to cell and transportation.

I don't enjoy wondering how my daughter is going to get home at 11:00 at night after work, but this will be her problem in a few short months and I want her to feel the pain of her irresponsibility when it's just a little hurt rather than next year when I can't bail her out. If that makes me a bad parent then guilty I am.

So once again I accept the award for worst parent ever, and keeping a spot open in the trophy case for not getting her a Lexus for graduation. Or not throwing my son a quince....

I wanna go home

Our three year old boy has been saying this all week. No doubt, in my mind, something prompted by a visit with Mama earlier in the week. Our first question to him is "where's home?". His answer, "here", not likely the response Mama anticipated.

I don't know if Mama thinks there may still be some hope for them to return to her home, or if she is trying to use the kids to upset me. The words are not what bother me, it's the four year old wondering if I will get to see him later. Remember, this boy has lived in six other homes, he has legitimate fear that one day I won't be there.

Even a week ago I was resolved to let this case go where it may. I told myself that if it were God's will I'd even help Mama get her kid's back. This case has been so weird and unusual I wonder on a daily basis what my role here is....that was until I talked to the four year old. He was wondering where Mama lived. I'll spare the details, but the conversation ended with him asking if he could live at home forever. Remembering we've established that home is here.

That got my mind going. I can hardly get out the door at childrens' church, could I really think that I could ever hand the babies that have lived in our home for three years to a stranger, who would take them to a strange place. Could I answer their pleadings of "mom where are you going and when will you be back?" Decidedly not. I dislike the histrionics of born of the heart families who make a transition home worse, I get it, but would hope that I would make it easier on the kids.

I cannot conceive the thought of that scene. I know that for "privacy" reasons I would not be allowed to take the kids to Mama's house. I know that it would be handled by a transporter. A person who is hired by CPS to do this regularly. I can't imagine they can have too many feelings left. I know what it does to the CPS workers, I've seen several come in ready to change the world, and leave a year later with no wind left in their sails.

I cannot imagine not knowing where my babies are, neither can I imagine my babies wondering where their family is and why they aren't coming. I can't imagine the hope they'd lose when they gave up the hope we were coming. Of course the other side can argue that as well. Mama can say "I don't know where my babies are." the difference? I have done nothing to harm these kids. I don't date men who terrorize my children. I have provided a home, a vehicle and financial support for them. I tolerate the endless visits from CPS, from licensing, the looking in my fridge and cupboards. The annual moving of the smoke alarms. I have complied with all the senseless requests and have a ready answer for whatever questions are presented. I haven't been in jail and wouldn't have tested positive for drugs.

Does this make me a better person? No. Just one who is making better choices. I'm not going to let Mama suck me into her game. I'm not going to coach the kids to tell her they already live at home. I'm going to deal with my frustrations with raising three pre-schoolers, with the help of my husband. And I'm going to rest assured that my kids ARE home and pray that the state will soon figure it out.

Divine Intervention

Have you ever wondered if God ever steps in and saves you from a mistake you can't or won't see coming.

This past weekend I read of a guy where fate intervened in a big way and yet with all the signs flashing neon "no, no, no", the guy still didn't get it.

This guy decided that he was going to "pop the question" in a big way. Of course as a girl I have my opinions as to the execution of thought on his part, but will give him the credit for thinking outside the box. This is something girls don't do easily. We want our boys to do spectacular things and when their ideas and don't fit ours we get funky.

So, this guy is going to "pop" the question by putting a $12,000 ring inside a balloon, inside a balloon bouquet. Well, call it what you will, divine intervention, bad luck or simply wind, but he steps out of the door with his giant balloon bouquet and there it goes up, up, and away.

I'm the kind of girl who would gladly exchange the 12K ring for a story like that. But I'm also the kind of girl who'd rather have 11K and a smaller ring, but that's me and this ain't about me.....but his fiance' heard the story, threw a fit, and is refusing to speak to him until he gets her a new one.

This is where he didn't get it. He hung his head and said "well, guess I gotta go get her a new one". NO NO NO NO. This is where it will only cost you 12K to get her out of your life. It'll be cheaper in the long run. If she has to have "the" ring, then she's gonna need "the" car and "the" house and "the" this and "the" that. Go find youself a girl who's happy with the stories that built your life not the symbols that prove to others that she's got one, no matter how miserably she or you came about the symbols.

It ain't easy being green

I don't know if you know this or not, but talk radio is pretty right wing. Today I was listening to them say that being "green" does nothing for the earth. There are some studies to support the fact that some people do a little green to appease their consciences and have a "larger footprint" than people who do nothing. This is akin to the dieter who walks around the block to make up for two bags of M&M's. But to say that it is better to do nothing is a little crazy, and again normal doesn't sell ad time.

Their main contention this morning was compact fluorescent bulbs. They contain mercury, and in ten years when we all start throwing those bulbs into the landfill the mercury will leech out and kill us all. Turns out they do contain mercury. Turns out there are special disposal instructions, but rather than spending our energies educating let's whine and cry that the hippies are ruining our lives.

You may or may not remember twenty years ago the whole "recycling" of plastic shopping bags was nothing more than a warehouse in Wisconsin that was storing them until an affordable technology became available. Now they make everything out of plastic shopping bags, even decks. Warehouse guy is probably making some good money these days.....

I don't even use plastic bags anymore, not a matter of greenness or not, it was that they were taking over my life. I'm quite certain our shopping habits generated 50 or so shopping bags per week. Bags which I could not bear to throw out, because I'd like to be green, 100's of bags that hung out in my laundry room waiting for a better idea. We use them for liners in our little trash cans, for stinky diapers, in the shredder and whatever else we can come up with, but there came a point, where we would never overcome the deficit unless we just plain stopped. I in my former residence would use my own shopping bags, but when we moved here "green" was not big, it wasn't born or even conceived, it didn't exist. Even the whole food store gave us the option of plastic or plastic. I tried several times to bring my own bags, I got one of three results....

1: they'd ask for a price check
2: they'd put my groceries into a plastic bag before placing it in my own bag.
3: they'd wad my bags up and put them in plastic bags.

For the sake of my criminal record, I chose to use plastic rather than strangle those who lacked sufficient gray matter. Until my laundry room looked like a warehouse in Wisconsin.

So, late last year I bought one of those rolling file carts at Office Depot and leave it in the back of my car, throughout the day I take my cute little bags to the stores I visit, put in my one or two items, and deposit them into the file box in the bag of my car. When I'm done shopping at ten different places, I have one box to take in, and zero plastic. I may not single handedly save the planet, but I've saved the laundry room 500 bags.

I doubt my family will ever get to the point that we are so green we're "freegans" but we're trying to have tiny little footprints. We buy high quality stuff that won't need to be replaced next week, we recycle what we can, when we can. We use reusable products rather than disposable, we use plastic containers rather than plastic bags. Our furniture is at best second hand. And when the day comes that our compact fluorescents should die, unless the hippies have taken our computers, I will Google "proper disposal of compact fluorescents" and have faith that someone has come up with a money making solution to the problem by them. They always do.