...I am too stupid (very not also) and the luckiest girl alive

For 22 years I have worn contacts. For most of those years I've worn them 90% of my waking hours, I've swam with them, slept in them, put them in my mouth when saline solution was not available. Never, ever have I ever torn one. Until I opened my latest box of monthly wear lenses. I have worn two, and torn two.

Today as I was getting a tiny piece of plastic removed from my eye, for the second time in as many weeks, I inquired if the "can't return lenses policy" applied to defective lenses. I was informed by the medical professional, I could tell she was a medical professional because she was wearing scrubs, that "these lenses just don't break on their own" and "I must be wearing them incorrectly."

I know, incorrectly wearing my contact lenses for 22 years, I am too stupid. Of course I'm only wearing them wrong in my left eye, I'm still tear (tare not teer) free in my right eye. I hope that there is a class I can attend, or maybe information online about wearing them correctly. I remember the remedial class I got almost a quarter of a century ago about inside out, not sleeping in them, not swimming with them, etc, but my aged memory is failing about other correct ways to wear my lenses.

So, I'm reaching out to the bloggy world as to inform me how I could be so wrong all of these years. God has surely shined His light of luck upon me as this is the first time I've had a consequence resulting from my pure ignorance for 22 years. Yet, what is a problem if we don't learn the lesson?

So, please bloggy world, tell me how to wear my lenses correctly. (Please include a picture of you in your scrubs so that I am assured of your medical training.)