Saturday, April 19, 2008

...I went to church

I always go to church. Have since I was little, minus that one decade. I stopped going because there didn't seem to be a reason. The people in the church didn't have any better answers about God than the people on the outside. No one could tell me how God had changed them into a better person. I use the term better loosely. I know that we are all sinners, inside and outside of the building that we call the church. I just figured that if the people who were going to church could act like they were so much better, they could tell me why they were so much better, and what God had done to change them. They couldn't.

So, when I left home, boys were so much more interesting than church, and a lot more interested. Of course when I got pregnant and went back home, the church welcomed me with open arms. Oh wait, no they didn't. They were only there to save me, and pray for me, I can count on two fingers the people who loved me anyway. Of course what most of the church people didn't know is that they'd "had" to get married. Funny how those who have received more grace are more capable of giving it.

Well, several years ago, I found the church for me. The first week we attended, they gave all the adults in the church $100 bills. For those of you raised in church, they don't do that. It's crazy. I'd just left a church where one of the elders wasn't quite sure if he had the money to tithe. Even in church people are so caught up on money. I am one of them, but getting better. I'm glad I didn't leave and not come back to the crazy church. It's been life changing.

I've always thought that God spoke to me. Crazy right? Not at my church. I'm not saying that I can hear his voice, but I know it's God. He is usually asking crazy things. It started with honoring my husband. Crazy, who does these things? Then give away a significant amount of our income. Crazy. Apparently God didn't know that we were having some employment issues at the time. God keeps upping the crazy ante. Knowing all the times that He's come through, I still think it's crazy. Right now, He's really asking crazy things of me. Does He not know that I don't do these things? I'm quite sure He does know that he is pushing me well beyond my own defined limits of comfort. I'm quite sure that He is trying to teach me something about myself and about Him. I'm quite sure that I will always have clothes, and food, and shelter. I'm quite sure that my family will always love me, but still I am afraid that I don't have the crazy faith that I need to do the crazy things. And I am also quite sure that if I don't, it will be one of the things that I will regret.

Before me is a door. I know what is on the other side. God has affirmed to me several times, from several sources that He is on the other side of that door. I am just going to have to do some crazy things to get through the door. So, if you see me acting crazy in the near future, don't worry I'm just trying to get closer to my God.

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Cast of Characters

  • BOB - Born of the body children
  • BOTH - Born of the heart children
  • Roran aka Big Girl - 18 year old BOB daughter - recently booted from the nest
  • Big Boy - 15 year old BOB son
  • Radical - 9 year old BOB son who fyi is not RAD
  • Felpsy aka lil middle - 4 year old BOTH boy who is RAD and is the cumin in our soup
  • Booger - 4 year old BOTH boy, sib to Felpsy, Twin to....
  • Princess - 4 year old BOTH girl. Diva,