...revisiting How past

Things always seem harder than they are. I look at tasks ahead of me and wonder how I'm going to do them. How they are going to fit into my schedule and all the other how's that keep us where we are.

Looking back over the how's of my life like an annual Dickens tradition, I see that the how's are just a bunch of yippy Chihuahua's.

How can I pass algebra? Learn a little more everyday.
How can I pay rent? Get a job.
How can I have a baby? Little late for that now.
How can I find the time to shower? You can't find time you have to take it.
How can I do all of this paperwork for a home study? One page at a time.
How can I handle eight kids? They're here now, what choice do you have?
How can I let go of three kids that have become a part of my family? Either move on or die.
How can I leave any child in a place like this? It's either her or you and you have a responsibility to the rest of your family.
How can I deal with three preschoolers? No, really, I'm asking......

In retrospect, all of the how's were just there to focus my attentions. Is this something I really want to do? I'm going to need to focus or forget about it. The how in front of me seems so HUGE right now, but I look around and others are doing it, means it CAN be done. Can I do it? When I look back on this moment, who will have won? Me or How?