I know I'm not the parent that I could be, or the wife, or friend or leader or follower. I can always do better, I know this. I don't have to look far in any direction to feel superior to someone. Also, I know that others can look at me and feel superior in their own lives. I look at my one friend with 57 different laundry concoctions to get her whites whiter and her colors colorier and think she's crazy. Of course she looks at me who requires anyone who can dress themselves to do their own laundry and gasps in horror, "but they don't sort". Nope, we have a mutual loving friendship and choose to do the same thing very differently.
My superior feeling is my problem. I can look, again not far, and relax knowing that I'm giving my babies a better life than they would have had. The problem comes when that prevents me from giving them the best life I could give them. While I can only do what I can do, somedays I can do better.
I'm trying to get a door open, knowing that on the other side is a big deal. It would be easier if God were to just open it for me, presto, if it works praise God, if not, it wasn't in His will. No pressure on me. I have the key to the door, I just don't know where it is.
I have to answer the question of how I'm doing with what I already have. How are my relationships? How are my finances? Can I deal with my four year old melting down without getting emotionally involved? Have I got the rest of my life in order? Am I running my personal business at peak performance? If I run my business like I run my life, how successful will it be?
While I tend to be a perfectionist, in that if I can't do it perfectly I won't, I need to get over that. I can do better, I cannot do perfect. Like laundry, we all have our own ways of doing things. In the end if it was done "wrong" is it not done? Not in an ends justifying the means kind of way, but if I lovingly do my tasks to the best of my ability can both not be blessed? I have to do my best and rely on God for the rest.
Cast of Characters
- BOB - Born of the body children
- BOTH - Born of the heart children
- Roran aka Big Girl - 18 year old BOB daughter - recently booted from the nest
- Big Boy - 15 year old BOB son
- Radical - 9 year old BOB son who fyi is not RAD
- Felpsy aka lil middle - 4 year old BOTH boy who is RAD and is the cumin in our soup
- Booger - 4 year old BOTH boy, sib to Felpsy, Twin to....
- Princess - 4 year old BOTH girl. Diva,