Saturday, June 7, 2008 wasn't today but

I've turned into one of those moms. I ran across a woman today who was twittering about those moms. You know, the ones who are dressed and ready for the day when they drop their kids off at preschool. Ones who find time to shower EVERY day. Well, you know what us "those moms" are thinking. "I hope they feed Johnny a snack, I forgot to feed him."

The whole world is set up to make us feel inadequate about whatever we feel inadequate about ourselves. Why do you think they sell hair straightener AND perm stuff. We are to feel that we, as packaged, are not enough. I have straight, brown hair. I always wanted curly hair. I'd cry (not really) when girls would relate to me their stories of straightening their hair, and how they longed for my straight hair, all the while wondering how I could get curls that curled just right.

I used to schedule my life around my kids. I couldn't bear to put them to bed when they threw a fit, or make them eat what I had made, or do anything they didn't want to do. I went along with their demands, and they got more demanding. I didn't care what I looked like, frumpadump who cares.

It wasn't an overnight transformation, but one day I realized I had no life outside of my children. I could not go out with my husband and talk about anything other than my children. I could not socialize with anyone unless it involved my children. I was not going to let other people "raise" my children, then I realized that they weren't being raised, they were just getting older.

So I went from huge oversized t-shirts to clothes that fit my body and my personality. I no longer walked around in whatever I'd slept in the night before, or possibly longer, I got up and showered, and I did it every day. Yes, we had little ones in the house, guess what, they all lived. If I could wear make up I would, but I am allergic to anything that comes into contact with my eyes. I sent the kids away, joined Bible studies, had lunch with acquaintances that became my friends. My husband and I do not talk about the kids when we go out and the kids are still alive.

It's not that I don't absolutely love my kids, I do, but when did they become more important than me? Or my husband? Or anything else for that matter. I realized the idolistic nature that kids have in America. Our kids have to be the best and the brightest and have the latest, whether or not we can afford it or they deserve it. These kids are not going to be kids forever, who is going to tell them that the 400 trophies they've accumulated by merely existing are meaningless? Well, the world will. When will we stop holding ceremonies to honor them for showing up? Why do they have to graduate every year? "Yeah you, you made it out of Kindergarten, and you showed up every day. Aren't you special?" No, everyone gets an award, even if they have to make one up.

I have not held a job outside of the house for nine years. I have three pre-schoolers. I shower EVERY day. I do not leave the house looking like a frumpadump. I was asked once for advice on staying home after the baby. Shower first thing every day, date your husband and maintain relationships outside of your home.

When you look back on the over documented life of your children, everyone will laugh at the crazy, outdated clothes. You will cringe at the way you spent all of your time and energy dressing them that way. If you don't believe me go grab your Easter Sunday pictures from 1973, you and all your siblings dressed in satin and velvet matching outfits. Bet your mom was proud that day, now she's wondering what couch died to make dad's suit. But look at mom, does she look like she's tired and worn out, or are you thinking that mom looked good back in the day? Now, think about how you are going to look when we look back in twenty years.

1 comment:

Sugar-n-Spice said...

3 under 4, huh? Well, I'm still not sure how you manage a shower and getting dressed everyday, but I know EXACTLY what you're saying. :) I enjoy my kids, and do devote much of my life to them, as it should be, but they are not the ultimate priority. And we are actually doing our kids a disservice if we teach them they are the center of our/the world.

I actually don't know but 1 other family that has chosen the path we have, I really enjoy being able to connect with someone who completely understands.

Click this and I will send you flair:)

Add to Technorati Favorites


Cast of Characters

  • BOB - Born of the body children
  • BOTH - Born of the heart children
  • Roran aka Big Girl - 18 year old BOB daughter - recently booted from the nest
  • Big Boy - 15 year old BOB son
  • Radical - 9 year old BOB son who fyi is not RAD
  • Felpsy aka lil middle - 4 year old BOTH boy who is RAD and is the cumin in our soup
  • Booger - 4 year old BOTH boy, sib to Felpsy, Twin to....
  • Princess - 4 year old BOTH girl. Diva,