Friday, January 16, 2009

Flashback Friday

This is one of the first posts I wrote on my adoption blog, which is no longer being updated regularly. I decided that adoption is not easily separated from my life. Hope you enjoy.

If you were at work one day and official type people came in and spoke to your boss. It seems that someone had heard that your husband was a no good such and such who wasn't very nice to you. That someone had reported your husband to the proper authorities, and they had investigated. These people had come to the conclusion that your husband was indeed in need of some husband classes and when offered them he refused, so they came to rescue you at work.

Now, you can't go home to get anything, but they were nice enough to pack a bag for you while they were there speaking with your husband. And I'm sorry, but you won't be returning to work until this matter is "resolved". They have found a new family for you, unfortunately this family didn't have room for you and the kids, so they were going to have to split you up. You can not call anyone you know, you can not see anyone you know, the clothes that they picked up for you were actually clothes that no longer fit.

How's your day going?

After driving around for hours and hours, dropping off members of your family one by one all over town they bring you to your new house. Inside is a family that has been praying for a new mom, and they believe whole heartedly that God has brought you to them.

Aren't you excited?

You'd always wish that your hubby would pick up his socks, or not watch basketball during dinner. Well, your new hubby is perfect for you, on paper. You go to bed thinking that this matter will soon be resolved, but weeks pass and you are still there. You get to see your old family once a month for two hours in a cubicle in someones office, with three specialists looking on. Months turn into a year, someone tells you your old hubby never did take those classes he was supposed to. You think it sucks, but you're kinda liking this new family. You're new job is nicer. Things are working pretty well. When you get home that night, those people are there again.

What are you thinking?

"Good news," they say, "we've found your forever family." What, I have to do this again? Seems like while the family was a 'perfect match' for you, you didn't really live up to their expectations. You were moody, and withdrawn, and didn't really make friends, and just weren't what they were hoping for.

Now, I ask, how many times does this happen before you completely lose it?

We've had kids in our home that had been in ten or more homes. I can't imagine what it feels like to not belong anywhere. 'Get what you can from this family because you're gone in two months.' I will be the first to advise not to keep a kid for the sake of keeping a kid, but if you take a kid do all you can. You are not a babysitter. You are a surrogate parent. If you think a teenager is out of your realm, don't take teens. If a toddler will impose on your lifestyle, don't take toddlers.

Remember that while you have been prayerfully waiting for this child they are about to bring over, he's known about this for moments. He knew his family wasn't the best, but they were his family. His stuff may smell and be infested with bugs, but it's all that he has that is his. He may have been the one to tell someone about what was going on at home, and now all he ever knew is gone. He isn't going to run into your arms, crying thank you mommy for saving me. You have been saying to all of your friends, "I'll be so happy when they bring me a child," this will be the worst day of that child's life. The beatings and neglect have all run together, but he will always remember the day he lost his family. Do all you can keep it from happening again.

Born of the Heart: How would you like it?


Amy said...

This is an amazing post! Thank you so much for that! Do you care if I put it on my blog with a link to yours? If don't want me to it's fine.

Annie said...

I would love that, just use the links to the post link. Thanks

Glad you enjoyed.

hsmomma5 said...

Wow Annie--awesome post! I, having adopted five, have never thought the process through quite like this. Thank you for sharing this.

Click this and I will send you flair:)

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Cast of Characters

  • BOB - Born of the body children
  • BOTH - Born of the heart children
  • Roran aka Big Girl - 18 year old BOB daughter - recently booted from the nest
  • Big Boy - 15 year old BOB son
  • Radical - 9 year old BOB son who fyi is not RAD
  • Felpsy aka lil middle - 4 year old BOTH boy who is RAD and is the cumin in our soup
  • Booger - 4 year old BOTH boy, sib to Felpsy, Twin to....
  • Princess - 4 year old BOTH girl. Diva,