What is wrong with this world?

So anyone who has a tv has no doubt seen the "herpes" commercial. I have seen it, but since the advent of DVR, haven't watched it for awhile. Today I was watching live tv when it came on and I got the "herpes" commercial for the new century. It goes something like this.....

I have herpes.

I don't.

But we have lots of fun and it has not impacted our life in any way. We can do whatever we want because we have a magic herpes pill. I'm attractive and living life to its fullest, it's actually somewhat cool to have herpes.

Not really, but it feels that way to me. The thing that has always bothered me about the commercial is the fine print. It says that 70% of people who have herpes got it from a partner that had no "obvious" signs at the time. What about the other 30% - what were they thinking? Oh obviously there is something wrong here, but what the hey.

The new part that bothers me, in that I had not noticed it before, was at the end one of them says, "it's important to be safe". Why? There is a magic pill that will erase all negative effects of my irresponsibility. Why shouldn't my kids get to do whatever they want, it's cool and doing whatever they want will not negatively impact their life. If it does, they can take a pill, and the government can pay for it, and we can complain. Instead of promoting safety, let's promote brain use.

I want to see the commercial that says....

Hey, I wasn't really thinking and caught a DISEASE that will affect the rest of my life. It has altered my life, and the life of the family that I now want. Medicine helps somewhat with the medical issue that I've created in my life, but because of my lack of self control, or not knowing who I was sleeping with, it will cost me money for the rest of my life. My wife will be affected for the rest of her life, and it cannot be undone. It is something that I have to think about on a daily basis and it does interfere with my life, sure I can still go kayaking, but how important is kayaking anyway, we're talking about my penis.

Worst Parent Ever

Once again I find myself in the position of the horrible parent. I'm making my daughter, who is a senior in high school, walk places and without the right to her cell phone. To top it off I still made her pay for her cell phone and car insurance, even though she has no access to it. I KNOW!!!! Somebody should stop me.

This was not a decision I made in haste or in anger that I couldn't take back, were that the case it would have happened six weeks ago. She has a history of doing just enough to get by, not taking into account the unexpected.

Our house runs on the system of points. Do a chore get a point, want a privilege spend a point. I know....complicated and hard to understand. Anyway, our big girl will do just enough to get her phone and pay her car insurance and nothing else. This has been getting her by. Until now. Recently she has been a little lazy and hasn't gotten all of her points. And then she forgot to get her laundry out of the dryer. I charge five points for laundry removal, now this may seem extreme but since that rule has taken effect I haven't been shuffling their laundry. Anyway this oversight caused an overdraft, and those of us who've overdrafted a checking account know that pain.

So we're letting natural consequences take effect. Can't pay the cell phone bill, can't use the cell phone, can't pay the insurance, can't (or shouldn't) use the car. Better to learn it now than next year.

This wouldn't be as much of a problem for me, but she's gotten all of her friends' parents driving her places. I as a parent do not assume the whatever to drive her friends around. Yes, if we have plans and are including them, I provide door to door service, but not a "so and so has such and such and her parents can't take her...." not my problem. I'm figuring that the surrogate chauffers this week are sitting in my driveway wondering how I could be so lazy, heartless, selfish or what not to deprive my own flesh and blood her inalienable right to cell and transportation.

I don't enjoy wondering how my daughter is going to get home at 11:00 at night after work, but this will be her problem in a few short months and I want her to feel the pain of her irresponsibility when it's just a little hurt rather than next year when I can't bail her out. If that makes me a bad parent then guilty I am.

So once again I accept the award for worst parent ever, and keeping a spot open in the trophy case for not getting her a Lexus for graduation. Or not throwing my son a quince....

I wanna go home

Our three year old boy has been saying this all week. No doubt, in my mind, something prompted by a visit with Mama earlier in the week. Our first question to him is "where's home?". His answer, "here", not likely the response Mama anticipated.

I don't know if Mama thinks there may still be some hope for them to return to her home, or if she is trying to use the kids to upset me. The words are not what bother me, it's the four year old wondering if I will get to see him later. Remember, this boy has lived in six other homes, he has legitimate fear that one day I won't be there.

Even a week ago I was resolved to let this case go where it may. I told myself that if it were God's will I'd even help Mama get her kid's back. This case has been so weird and unusual I wonder on a daily basis what my role here is....that was until I talked to the four year old. He was wondering where Mama lived. I'll spare the details, but the conversation ended with him asking if he could live at home forever. Remembering we've established that home is here.

That got my mind going. I can hardly get out the door at childrens' church, could I really think that I could ever hand the babies that have lived in our home for three years to a stranger, who would take them to a strange place. Could I answer their pleadings of "mom where are you going and when will you be back?" Decidedly not. I dislike the histrionics of born of the heart families who make a transition home worse, I get it, but would hope that I would make it easier on the kids.

I cannot conceive the thought of that scene. I know that for "privacy" reasons I would not be allowed to take the kids to Mama's house. I know that it would be handled by a transporter. A person who is hired by CPS to do this regularly. I can't imagine they can have too many feelings left. I know what it does to the CPS workers, I've seen several come in ready to change the world, and leave a year later with no wind left in their sails.

I cannot imagine not knowing where my babies are, neither can I imagine my babies wondering where their family is and why they aren't coming. I can't imagine the hope they'd lose when they gave up the hope we were coming. Of course the other side can argue that as well. Mama can say "I don't know where my babies are." the difference? I have done nothing to harm these kids. I don't date men who terrorize my children. I have provided a home, a vehicle and financial support for them. I tolerate the endless visits from CPS, from licensing, the looking in my fridge and cupboards. The annual moving of the smoke alarms. I have complied with all the senseless requests and have a ready answer for whatever questions are presented. I haven't been in jail and wouldn't have tested positive for drugs.

Does this make me a better person? No. Just one who is making better choices. I'm not going to let Mama suck me into her game. I'm not going to coach the kids to tell her they already live at home. I'm going to deal with my frustrations with raising three pre-schoolers, with the help of my husband. And I'm going to rest assured that my kids ARE home and pray that the state will soon figure it out.

Divine Intervention

Have you ever wondered if God ever steps in and saves you from a mistake you can't or won't see coming.

This past weekend I read of a guy where fate intervened in a big way and yet with all the signs flashing neon "no, no, no", the guy still didn't get it.

This guy decided that he was going to "pop the question" in a big way. Of course as a girl I have my opinions as to the execution of thought on his part, but will give him the credit for thinking outside the box. This is something girls don't do easily. We want our boys to do spectacular things and when their ideas and don't fit ours we get funky.

So, this guy is going to "pop" the question by putting a $12,000 ring inside a balloon, inside a balloon bouquet. Well, call it what you will, divine intervention, bad luck or simply wind, but he steps out of the door with his giant balloon bouquet and there it goes up, up, and away.

I'm the kind of girl who would gladly exchange the 12K ring for a story like that. But I'm also the kind of girl who'd rather have 11K and a smaller ring, but that's me and this ain't about me.....but his fiance' heard the story, threw a fit, and is refusing to speak to him until he gets her a new one.

This is where he didn't get it. He hung his head and said "well, guess I gotta go get her a new one". NO NO NO NO. This is where it will only cost you 12K to get her out of your life. It'll be cheaper in the long run. If she has to have "the" ring, then she's gonna need "the" car and "the" house and "the" this and "the" that. Go find youself a girl who's happy with the stories that built your life not the symbols that prove to others that she's got one, no matter how miserably she or you came about the symbols.