...I learned some things on the internet

First, I can triple my income in six months. Yesterday, I made $0 - I would like for them to do the math on me making $1 - that's like way more than triple.

Second, I can lose 30 pounds this weekend. Yes, if I lop off a body part, maybe two. I haven't found one I'm willing to part with yet though. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Third, when I'm 40 I can be just like Jennifer Aniston. Why would I want to do that? Maybe she wants to be me. Maybe you all do, you should. I'm awesome.

Here's a gem that I'm going to start doing TODAY. Use the bathroom when you are out, it will save you money on water and toilet paper. Let's just run the numbers on this one. The average household uses 480 cubic meters of water every year, at an average cost of $0.66/cubic meter. Let's just go completely crazy and say you get your entire household on board with "bookending" their potty breaks and waiting until they get to school or work or Target, and then using it last thing before they come home. Let's also say that saves you 100 cubic meters of water each year. That's $66 you save by holding it until you get to work. $5/month and some change. Totally worth it in my book, and even better I get to do this with three preschoolers. Wasn't really thinking when I made the rule that we don't use the bathroom when we aren't at home.

Last, but not least? I'm old. I have not heard of most of the top 20 internet searches. OK there was the octuplet mom, and Joaquin Pheonix. But after that, totally lost. I gotta run to Target, I had a 32 oz Vanilla Coke from Sonic earlier. I'll catch you later.