So, Friday, during our weekly therapy session, the kids were playing quietly, and the therapist and I had a chance to talk. She wanted to know all about our fostering experiences. She has just recently taken on foster families and is quite disturbed by the whole system. Everyone from the foster families on up. She's disgusted with therapists who don't take the time to research Attachment Disorders. Caseworkers who lie to families just to get a bed for a kid, when if everyone was honest with each other, kids would get into homes that were willing to care for their own needs. And Foster Families who return kids into the system with all the thought they give tossing out the take out boxes. So, who's the therapist now?
Just kidding. We have had two long term placements, one older sibling group of three, and our current sibling group of three. The pictures of the first group still hang on our wall. Even though they have been gone for over three years now. And it's not that I'm too lazy to take them down. I hung those particular pictures up after they left. They were a part of our family for over a year, just because kids don't stay in your house, doesn't mean they don't stay in your heart.
So, she had noticed that we had pictures up of kids that don't fit the profile of the ones living here, and asked who they were. I explained. She was amazed that I'd hung them up in the first place and had kept them there for years.
She went on to tell me that most foster parents don't participate in therapy in a meaningful way.
What? Now I know there are some doozy therapist's out there, like the ones who discourage you from telling the children "no". And other's who are so easily sucked into triangulation. I've had them, but still I participated in therapy. Even playing cars with a 12 year old girl, don't know how that helps her get over abuse, but hey.
And then she said, "you treat these kids like they are your own."
Yeah duh. All of them. From the moment they stepped foot in, had all the rights and privileges of our family. That caused some problems, but that's what we did.
She finished our conversation with, "well you're just not the norm." If I'm not normal, then I don't want to be.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
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5 comments:
Then I don't want to be normal either. =)
Thanks for being 'abnormal'!
Wow! A therapist who doesn't have faith in the "system"--none of those practice around here.....
I hate it when people telling me how awesome I am for taking on these kids. I wasn't trying to do anyone favors--I wanted a family and this is how God chose to give it to me. I have wanted to tell so many of them that since they serve the same God I do, maybe they should try doing something awesome too.
[stepping OFF soap box] :)
I think that is great you still have their photo up....I plan on doing the same thing. Just like you said, they are a part of our family while they are here, and I will always love them and pray for them. They were a part of our life. I am actually about to have our first set leave soon, and am trying to decide which photos I am keeping up, and what I am giving to them.
I have had several people involved surprised that I want to take the kids to all their visits and all that, and was concerned that one of my babies had to be in theraputic daycare every day, b/c I like to keep him home a few days a week. I told her, well, I think getting to be held and loved by me is also part of his therapy, and she said, "wow, there are not many foster moms that would say that". Well, there should be. I agree with you, I don't want to be normal if that is the case.
lovely. I still look at the pics of the kids i had while living in Residential. I still call them "mine" hah.
I am looking forward to a sibling group as well!!
I don't want to be normal, either.
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