So, Friday, during our weekly therapy session, the kids were playing quietly, and the therapist and I had a chance to talk. She wanted to know all about our fostering experiences. She has just recently taken on foster families and is quite disturbed by the whole system. Everyone from the foster families on up. She's disgusted with therapists who don't take the time to research Attachment Disorders. Caseworkers who lie to families just to get a bed for a kid, when if everyone was honest with each other, kids would get into homes that were willing to care for their own needs. And Foster Families who return kids into the system with all the thought they give tossing out the take out boxes. So, who's the therapist now?
Just kidding. We have had two long term placements, one older sibling group of three, and our current sibling group of three. The pictures of the first group still hang on our wall. Even though they have been gone for over three years now. And it's not that I'm too lazy to take them down. I hung those particular pictures up after they left. They were a part of our family for over a year, just because kids don't stay in your house, doesn't mean they don't stay in your heart.
So, she had noticed that we had pictures up of kids that don't fit the profile of the ones living here, and asked who they were. I explained. She was amazed that I'd hung them up in the first place and had kept them there for years.
She went on to tell me that most foster parents don't participate in therapy in a meaningful way.
What? Now I know there are some doozy therapist's out there, like the ones who discourage you from telling the children "no". And other's who are so easily sucked into triangulation. I've had them, but still I participated in therapy. Even playing cars with a 12 year old girl, don't know how that helps her get over abuse, but hey.
And then she said, "you treat these kids like they are your own."
Yeah duh. All of them. From the moment they stepped foot in, had all the rights and privileges of our family. That caused some problems, but that's what we did.
She finished our conversation with, "well you're just not the norm." If I'm not normal, then I don't want to be.
Cast of Characters
- BOB - Born of the body children
- BOTH - Born of the heart children
- Roran aka Big Girl - 18 year old BOB daughter - recently booted from the nest
- Big Boy - 15 year old BOB son
- Radical - 9 year old BOB son who fyi is not RAD
- Felpsy aka lil middle - 4 year old BOTH boy who is RAD and is the cumin in our soup
- Booger - 4 year old BOTH boy, sib to Felpsy, Twin to....
- Princess - 4 year old BOTH girl. Diva,