Thursday, January 22, 2009

...I don't want to tell you how to do your job

Really, I don't. And I shouldn't have to. But it has come to my attention that some of you may need to revisit your company's training manual. If you have one, and you can read, it might be a good idea. Otherwise, turn on your voice translator here and listen up, I'm only going over this once.

First, if you work the drive thru at a restaurant. Do not automatically assume that I would like all eight of my drinks stacked precariously into one drink holder. I, in fact, do not want any drink holders. It has been my experience that some people do not take pride in their drink holder drink placement. Let me explain. If there are two big drinks and two small drinks, please place the big drinks diagonally from one another. If you place both big drinks on one side then hand them thru a window that is less wide than said drink holder and you bump one off, it lands in my lap. Don't ask me how I know these things.

My minivan holds 8 passengers. From the drivers seat I can access five drink holders, if you count between my legs, that's six, add the three that are built into the carseats in the second row that's 9. Let's just assume that if I am ordering 8 drinks that they are not all for me, and that the other seven people will want their drinks and be able to place them in their respective drink holders. Thus saving me the hassle of extracting the drink from your drink holder while checking that six bags of food contain all that we have ordered. Because that apparently isn't in anyones job description.

Secondly. If you work at a certain big orange home improvement store, let's say in the kitchen department. If I were to happen in one day and want to order materials for my backsplash, please do not waste 45 minutes of my time looking for the back splash tiles under "ceiling tiles". But if you do, be especially nice to me, it makes it a little easier to deal with, and the only reason I had any patience with you at all. Let's just say I'm a work in progress.

Thirdly, while no longer relevant but important to point out....If you teach second graders and tell them that it is ok for them to call you Becky, and I then tell my child that they should call you Ms. (insert last name) instead, it is NOT ok for you to tell them that "Becky is fine" it's not. And while we are at it Becky, when you are grading papers, you might want to rethink your policy of putting smiley faces next to incorrect work. When a child gets an answer incorrect, they need to be made aware of this fact so that they can learn from their mistake. Putting a smiley face next to it and telling them that it means they "tried hard" is confusing. WRONG IS WRONG, it's ok to let them know that 2+2 is not 5.

Also, if you happen to cut my hair, if you pull out a straightener, you will not get a tip. My hair is in no need of straightening, it is already straighter than any Republican member of Congress claims to be. If you cannot see this, then really, find a new line of work.

Well, now that I've told you what areas need improvement, let me tell where you are excelling. I will refer you all once again to Quizno's guy. And for those anonymous people out there who hate Quizno's, this is not a Quizno's post. This is a Quizno's guy post. Since you hate Quizno's there is no need to worry that I would endorse Quizno's in anyway. I will not say that their yummy hot sandwiches are so much better than any cold sandwich, nor would I say I love them. Because as I said, this is not about Quizno's. It's about the guy who works there. Who is always so, so happy to make my sandwich. When he asks if I want vegetables and I reply that "I'm trying to cut back" he laughs as if it is the funniest thing he's ever heard. It's not, it can't be.

I hope this has been helpful. (When I get done turning babies into functioning members of society, I'm going to do this for a living.....)


Rachel said...


actually, that vegetable joke is stinkin' hilarious. actually, this whole post is.

I feel a witness about the drink holder...

Maury said...

Thanks, I needed that laugh. And now I am hungry for a Quizzno's sandwich!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

bah ha ha- good one LOL!!

I see your plants are looking very good and healthy, I was worried there for a while!

hsmomma5 said...

[shakes head] you crack me up girlie!

Megan said...

Just for the flip side...When I worked at the big (obnoxious) orange home improvement store, I could not believe the number of people who would look at me in my bright orange apron and ask me if I worked there. Really?

Annie said...

Really? You don't wear an orange apron for a fashion statement. I have three.

Click this and I will send you flair:)

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Cast of Characters

  • BOB - Born of the body children
  • BOTH - Born of the heart children
  • Roran aka Big Girl - 18 year old BOB daughter - recently booted from the nest
  • Big Boy - 15 year old BOB son
  • Radical - 9 year old BOB son who fyi is not RAD
  • Felpsy aka lil middle - 4 year old BOTH boy who is RAD and is the cumin in our soup
  • Booger - 4 year old BOTH boy, sib to Felpsy, Twin to....
  • Princess - 4 year old BOTH girl. Diva,