Somewhere out there, I ran across a story that reminded me of this....no wait the front story, before the back story.
As anyone who has seen my kids in public knows, I don't spend much time fighting with them over their clothing choices. We are miles higher than the overfull diaper without clothing at Walmart, but we often manage to get out of the house in all of the socially required clothes. They may be on backwards but they are on.
It's not that I don't care, it's just that I don't care enough to get into a power struggle over it. Call it 20 kids worth of very hard earned wisdom. Don't even bother calling me from school if you forgot your belt. I didn't dress you, sit yourself in In School Suspension and think about where you may have left it.
To the right you will see our current struggle, to the left, the lane where lies the memory. Take a moment to decide, we'll wait.
Right for now. Felpsy is required to wear shoes to school. Shoes as in, not sandals. He likes sandals better, he chooses sandals every day. The school has chosen not to do anything about it. Therefore there is no consequence, so why not wear them? When mom reminds him that the school doesn't want him to wear sandals, he understands full well that this is true, he chooses not to care and puts on the sandals. From the moment we walk through the safety door, he starts throwing a fit about How I forgot his shoes, (for the benefit of the director) and when he gets to the classroom, he makes sure the teacher hears the same story. Usually throwing in a "well I don't even have any shoes because you don't buy me any," somewhere.
I fully understand that I am the evil foster parent. But the boy has shoes. I have explained to both teachers and the director that he has chosen the sandals, and I cannot force him to wear shoes. I also am unwilling to enforce a consequence at home for school issues. Well, at least in regards to clothing. I am however willing to enforce their consequences if need be. The alleged consequence for improper footwear is allegedly that you don't get to go on the playground. This has not been enforced the entire year. For some reason this last week they are all concerned about it. I would sit with him during playground time, before I 'made' him wear those shoes.
What I'm failing to communicate with the school is that this is not a clothing issue, rather a power struggle with foster mom vs. RAD child. Six years ago, I wouldn't have understood it either, so I'm trying to be patient with them. Not my strong suit. Yes, we've had him for 3.5 years, yes I am his parent, but trigger the RAD and I am back to being the objectification of every hurt endured by the other mothers in his life. I know this is a RAD issue because he can verbalize the correct choice and choose the incorrect one, and that he can cause a scene that gets Mom pulled out into the hall, or into the directors office.
I will add that he is apparently an angel at school. Felpsy thrives on chaos. As long as there is chaos somewhere, he is happy. He doesn't need to be the one causing it. Luckily there are two other children in the class that feel they need to cause some chaos, although it may be that he has figured out that they are prone, and gives them a little 'incentive'.
So, long story short, he picks the shoes. You don't want him on that playground in sandals, then you make sure that happens.
All that for this, the path to the left.
Several years ago, when Roran was a pup, I'm guessing in the third grade, she had the UGLIEST sweater known to man. She wore it everywhere, everyday. Coming up was picture day and she really, really, really, really wanted to wear it. I threw down the gauntlet and told her in no uncertain terms that the sweater would not be worn on picture day. Yes. No. Yes. No....you get the point. And then we got the gigantic picture package to send to all of the relatives, blah blah blah. Guess what was cleverly hidden in her back pack on picture day, and what was worn for pictures. OK, you win that battle my little friend, but I will win the war when on your wedding day there is a picture of cute little ol' you in the UGLIEST sweater known to man.
(insert evil laughter)
Cast of Characters
- BOB - Born of the body children
- BOTH - Born of the heart children
- Roran aka Big Girl - 18 year old BOB daughter - recently booted from the nest
- Big Boy - 15 year old BOB son
- Radical - 9 year old BOB son who fyi is not RAD
- Felpsy aka lil middle - 4 year old BOTH boy who is RAD and is the cumin in our soup
- Booger - 4 year old BOTH boy, sib to Felpsy, Twin to....
- Princess - 4 year old BOTH girl. Diva,