...Dear customer service,

Today I had the pleasure of doing business in one of your big orange stores. Several weeks ago, I had special ordered some frames for a couple of doors, because that's what the guy in the door department said I needed to do. They apparently came in last week, I say apparently because someone from the orange store has been stalker calling me for the better part of said week. Reminding me ever so kindly, each time that I needed to call at least one hour prior to arriving at the orange store so that they could gather all of the necessary parts and have them ready for me.

Today, I called. At least one hour prior to arriving. I got transferred three times after listening several minutes to the menu options, as they had changed, and carefully selecting the best of my given options. Oh, yes ma'am, all will be well when you arrive, you may not even have to stop your truck, just honk as you pass Barnes and Noble, and we'll have someone toss the parts in as you drive by. Easy peezy.

When we arrived at your store, we stood in the line that said "customer pick up". As we were customers who were picking up. We waited several minutes while one of the aproned orange explained to a contractor on the phone, that while the customer had ordered a certain product, they really wanted another product, and his work order didn't reflect that, but she was quite certain that they did indeed want the cheaper product, and he should just go ahead and deliver it, it would be ok. (I would like to have stuck around for that inevitable phone call later tonight).

Once that dilemma had been solved, she was more than happy to help us. And although we were customers, who were picking up, we had been waiting in the wrong line, we needed to be in the service line. Which we didn't need, but went ahead and waited in the service line.

After waiting just a short time, yay, the service person looked at our paperwork. Hubby inquired as to the possibility that it wouldn't fit in the back of the truck. Service person said that it would fit easily, it's a small package. But we ordered a big package of door frames. Wait, no, we ordered a door base, but the picture was a door frame and she was going to have to call a door guy.

Might we just walk back to the door department, instead of having the door guy come up, then walk us back to the door department, then have to come back up to service to straighten it all out, can't we just go back to doors?

No.

But 12 trips to the back of the store later, we did indeed have the wrong product, and the right product wasn't there, thus the need for a special order, but we really need to get this project done so we'll take two halves of a product you do have so that we can make a whole one. One of the two halves needed a guy on a lift, and beeping and warning ropes, and guys with their hands out to their sides stopping traffic. It was a production.

Then we get paged to move our truck out of the loading zone, which we had been assured several times that it was bothering no one. Well, no one in the door department was being bothered by it, just the guys in the loading zone where it was actually parked. Of course I am the brain and hubby is the brawn when it comes to figuring out the complexities of the difference between two half products and one whole product and "there's no way in hell you are charging me a restocking fee on a product that I didn't order" crap.

He was moving said truck out of loading zone, I was waiting ever so patiently for codes to be entered, and money to be debited and credited and playing that whole shell game when one of your customers comes by and breaks my door frame, which I know isn't your fault, but still darn frustrating because I was expecting to have door frame parts thrown at me as I drove by and I've been here over an HOUR.

So, service person finally figured out who to blame the misorder on and which code to put in to blame said other person, saving me $15, thank you very much, yet costing me $200 in future therapy treatments, and making me reconsider the whole "not drinking" thing, because had I had a few cocktails at lunch, I might have been happier when I left.

I just wanted to write to tell you that "I think you're Awesome." And it really was a pleasure to do business with you, but just to be fair, next time I'm going to see how Awesome the blue store is.

Sincerely, or whatever...