...that my piece fits.

I never really felt like I fit in. I didn't have a horrible childhood, I've gone through more than some, less than most. I don't keep in contact with my best friend from second grade, twelfth grade or my college roommate. The lovely children in my grade school labeled me "the reject" during high school. I chose the wrong college, the wrong friends, and the wrong boys. I remember growing up with the distinct feeling that I was lazy, sloppy and I should have been a boy.

I know where all of that comes from, and I believed it. But the truth is that I was put here for such a time as this. I am a girl because God needed a girl. I have an irreplaceable role in a great adventure. (Read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge)

I used to be a little sad, or jealous or whatever when I'd read the celebrity birthday sections. Oscar winner so and so, and they are ten years younger than I am. I'd think back to where I was at that time wishing that somehow I had done more with my life. I've spent my life watching others find their place in this world, waiting for my piece to be picked up and added to the puzzle. Turns out us middle pieces are harder to place, but we are as important as all of the other pieces. Without each piece the big picture is incomplete, and the missing pieces become the most important.

Twenty years ago my family tore apart our house looking for three pieces to a thousand piece puzzle, and you'd think we'd won the lottery when we found that last piece. We didn't get excited over the corner pieces. One could argue their value because of their rarity. The edges were fairly easy as well, unique, important, and uncelebrated. Each hour spent on the puzzle made us more determined to finish. Occassionally we'd find a piece that looked like we knew where it went, we'd try and fail, try and fail, try and fail. With each failure it become more important for us to place it. We each had our collection of special pieces that we were going to see through to the end.

I know what I want to be when I grow up. I can see why the journey has been important to the destination. Had someone handed me a baby five years ago, which I wanted more than anything, it would not have changed my life as profoundly as this journey has. God had me saved in his pile of special pieces, He knew where I belonged and was going to see me through to the end. On paper my life would be the same, married with children. Would I still be crazy about my husband? Would I be so proud of my children? Would I care so deeply for orphans, would I want to help others through the pains, so they could experience the joys? Would I have enjoyed the picture as much, were it not a project?